July is Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month.
At 36 years old, Chajuana Mayes had reached her limit.
She had moved to a new state with her daughters and new husband and was struggling to balance the expectations of being a mother and wife while working two jobs and taking care of the home. She also struggled with guilt – she had separated her daughters from their fathers and was worried about how they would fare.
Mayes said she began eating and drinking too much to cope with stress, which led to excessive weight gain, other physical health problems and fatigue.
“Every day I got up, I looked in the mirror, cried and said to myself, ‘This can’t be my life.’ “It can’t just be that way,” she said. “I caused so much unnecessary suffering because I believed that once I became a wife and mother, I had to be everything to everyone.”
While Mayes’ story is common for many women in or near midlife, her physical and emotional exhaustion had an added layer. From the examples of the women in her family and the cultural portrayal of black women in the media, there was an unspoken sense that her efforts were expected of a strong black woman in America.
Cheryl L. Woods Giscombé, Ph.D., RN, a professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, developed the commonly used framework for the Strong Black Woman (SBW) schema and found that the Black women she studied characterized the role of “superwoman” by five main ideas: the obligation to display strength, the obligation to help others, the obligation to suppress emotions, the pressure to show resistance to vulnerability or dependence, and the need to demonstrate strength despite limitations Resources to demonstrate determination to succeed.
The duality of the Strong Black Woman schema
There is often a paradox in the SBW scheme. In some cases, it can promote a sense of positive self-esteem and pride. A study in the Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences found that even when black women felt they had to demonstrate strength and resilience under adverse conditions, the regimen provided a protective effect against the negative health effects of chronic racial discrimination. However, the more harmful aspects of the SBW regimen can impact Black women’s physical and mental health and well-being.
Taisha Caldwell-Harvey, Ph.D., As a licensed psychologist and founder of The Black Girl Doctor therapy practice, she regularly works with women navigating the duality of the SBW schema.
“In practice, it looks like a woman is the emotional, financial and spiritual backbone for everyone around her, but has no socially acceptable space to be soft, tired, sick or in distress herself,” Caldwell-Harvey said. “At the same time, it’s important to say: For many of us, this isn’t just a behavior pattern, it’s an identity.” In my work with Black women, I refer to it as both a cultural pride and a survival strategy. I also invite us to honestly examine what it costs.”
In conversations with patients, Caldwell-Harvey said she sees three manifestations of the negative side of the SBW regimen, all of which impact the physical and mental health of black women.
Excessive independence and overwork can lead to “black women feeling forced to carry everything alone, working ‘twice as hard’ at home and at work, and yet never feeling ‘enough,'” she said.
There is emotional suppression, which involves “difficulty naming sadness, fear, or trauma because ‘I’m supposed to be strong,’ which delays seeking help until crisis.” Add to that the risks to physical and maternal health: “pushing through pain, minimizing symptoms, and being turned away by health care providers who assume Black women can tolerate more, contributing to dangerous gaps in care and Black maternal morbidity and mortality.”
Data from the 2023 KFF Survey on Racism, Discrimination and Health: Experiences and Impacts Across Racial and Ethnic Groups illustrate some of these potential connections.
Among Black adults, women were more likely to report being treated unfairly by a health care provider because of their race or ethnicity (21% to 13%). Black adults were more likely than white adults to say they had difficulty finding a provider who could understand their background and experiences (46% to 38%), and 24% of Black adults reported negative experiences with providers, including making unasked assumptions about their lives, blaming them for a health problem, refusing to prescribe pain medication, or ignoring direct requests and questions.
Vanessa Anyanso, Ph.D., who received her doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Minnesota, studied the positive and negative mental health effects of the SBW regimen on Black women for her dissertation. As a descendant of Nigerian immigrants, Anyanso also wanted to explore the experiences of black women with recent immigrant family histories and found that they had a similar concept of the SBW schema in contexts familiar to their cultures.
“Everyone had such a complex relationship with the SBW schema,” Anyanso said of the women in her study. “They talked about achieving high levels of achievement being a positive thing and something that motivated them to succeed. Many women took pride in being able to look after their family and the wider community and be a leader. They saw resilience as a positive thing, the realization that they could overcome and do whatever they had to do.”
At the same time, respondents spoke about the mental and physical strain of living up to the expectations inherent in the SBW trope.
“They talk about it being like a mask … something they have to wear and the pressure to live up to it is exhausting,” she said. “You feel like you have to suppress emotions and suppress needs because you have to finish a big project or take care of others.”
To make the SBW scheme work for you
Seeking culturally competent mental health counseling can also help Black women navigate their relationship with the SBW schema. In her practice Caldwell-Harvey said she doesn’t simply tell black women to “stop being a strong black woman,” but teaches them to view it as an option rather than a mandate.
“I say, ‘Let’s talk about this strong black woman thing,'” she said. “You’re allowed to pick it up when you need it and put it down when you don’t. We’re very specific about what ‘putting it down’ looks like: asking for help, saying no, delegating, resting without guilt, or letting someone else be your dependable for a change.”
When Mayes realized that constantly pushing herself beyond her limits would only deteriorate her physical and mental health, she was ready to make a change. She began taking smaller steps past her own breaking point, such as saying “no” more often at home and thinking about how her family members could help around the house. She took time for self-care, which she believes made her a more confident and healthy wife, mother and employee.
Mayes, now 47, poured her energy into starting a health and wellness coaching business with the mindset of helping herself and others create personal change.
“I’m no longer in a situation where I live my life on autopilot based on a belief system that isn’t even mine,” Mayes said. “My life now is about what serves me best, even if someone else doesn’t agree with my decisions. This allows me to truly be myself and live a life I enjoy.”
Caldwell-Harvey sees a generational shift in how black women approach the SBW formula. While older generations may identify more strongly with the idea, she said, more younger Millennials and Gen Z women see the scheme as a burden and are more active in opposing it altogether.
“This shows me that the culture is ready to honor what this archetype has given us and imagine more humane ways of being Black and woman,” she said. “You can be strong, gentle, reserved, angry, joyful, exhausted, or deeply needy. These are all legitimate ways to be a black woman.”
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