It was a normal morning. I was in the middle of washing my hair and my arm decided to reach for a special box that was on the dresser nearby.
It was a broken box with cracks in the shiny turquoise cover (circa 1979) in which my mother’s handwriting carefully documented the story of its precious contents: a dress for the newborn I carried all those years ago.
The precious content
It wasn’t a store-bought dress that I had the energy to wear right now, but a generational dress. My grandmother McClure, then in her 90s, sewed the fine cotton my mother had purchased, bundled with a Vogue pattern and sent to her retirement home in Chula Vista, California.
Grandma McClure sewed the dress with a few “dodgy” passes on the sewing machine, which my mother later secretly repaired, then she brought the dress to me on the bed so I wouldn’t lose this baby, and I embroidered the bodice, sleeves, etc. Hat. My mother, “Mackey,” sewed on the “tatting,” which is (if you can imagine) thread made into decorations, all in the hands of women during the Depression years, before iPhones.
Then my daughter Haley carried it, then Sarah, Lisa and Michael, the cousins, and my next two children Joe and John. Now Henry, Iris and Orion and next week Sabrina Marie.
A look at the box
So I take one look at the turquoise box and my “joy factor” is destroyed. My first impulse was to put the box away because I wanted to stop being in pain.
However, as a card-carrying EBTer (should we have cards?), I knew better. What a moment of opportunity to get to know myself better, stop the cortisol flood caused by my repressed emotions, and maybe raise my set point a little.
Of course, I immediately tried to save myself excessive work and planned to do it later (“always later”), but instead I used Spiral Up No. 1, knowing that I would spread the use of it to several people Minutes, but again, it’s so easy to approach them and get through. Note the “get”. Cleaning up messes is never fun at first.
Okay, I’m freaking out
Here is my Spiral Up, and remember that I believe in the power of brevity and non-judgment, because who knows which emotions are deeply accurate and which are just emotional garbage that needs to be expressed and eliminated.
The situation is. . . I feel bad. My throat is tight and I feel a little nauseous. I want to get away from this body and my feelings. What I’m most stressed about is . . . I feel bad.
(Notice I didn’t say I wanted to get away from my feelings. The topic is SO important. If possible, the topic is about what I want to prevent. If my topic was like that, I wanted to get away from my feelings To get away from feelings, the cycle would revolve around the “why” I want to leave, and would not “get to the heart of my actual problem, which is that I feel bad.”)
(Remember that NONE of this is rational, but even the most irrational “bubbles” in my subconscious help me to release myself from the past and these stress chemicals.)
I’m angry about it. . . my mother died. I’m angry about it. . . I’m too old to have any more babies. . . I can’t stand this. . . the whole world of my ancestors that I grew up with. . . is gone. Okay, it’s turned into sadness. I’m sad about it. . . I can’t fly to New York and attend the baptism. . . I’m sad about it. . . You don’t need me anymore. . . I’m sad about it. . . My life is passing and I can’t see my grandchildren. . . (feel this until it fades) . . . I’m afraid of it. . . (Okay, I burst).
Why Cycles Burst When You Raise Your Set Point
(The problem is that when you clean out the mess and rewire all those 5 circuits, it becomes very difficult to cycle. We always need to process our anger and sadness, but if those emotions aren’t in a 5 circuit or even a 4 circuit are anchored, After the sadness there is no fear or guilt and we are back to brain state 1.)
I am grateful that John and Ana love me and carry on the family tradition. I am happy that I can show them a way to appreciate their ancestors and the legacy is one of love and devotion. I have the assurance that I will not completely perish because I cannot be present at the baptism. I’ll get through it. I’m proud that I process my feelings and don’t just put the “box” away!
(Now I’m switching to Spiral Up #3 as this is a deep sadness I’m doing…)
Who am I? I am a loving person who tries to model the family respect and love that I grew up with. What challenge am I facing? I have to be there for others, even when it’s hard. Who do I want to be when I take on this challenge? I want to be a force field of love and authenticity.
The security of the Take Action Tool
(Lastly, I use the Take Action Tool because it consistently and quickly calms me down and moves me forward. I love this tool.)
I expect myself to be gentle with myself as this is a huge loss for me. Positive, powerful thought. . . I can do that. . . The essential pain? I’m alone. No one can know what this loss means to me. I don’t have the words for it. The reward you deserve? Spirituality. It is a time of deep joy when all I can do is go within, and that will be a gift to me as always.
Now I can feel my HPA axis, my stress response has subsided, and the tingling in my hands and warmth in my chest are signs that the biochemical blessings of EBT are taking hold.
Hello everyone, I’m crazy!
The takeaway from the box
What’s there to take away? What is your turquoise box that stimulates one or two allostatic wires to block your pleasure? Do you put the box away or give yourself the gift of taking two to three minutes to notice the gift of life and feel that tingling sensation? . . this warmth. . . This renewed vitality that makes your day shine again.
Now that I’ve said goodbye to these stress chemicals, I’m going to wash my hair with a little more love and joy. Phew. . . it feels so good!
