“Some men are red flags that are wrapped with the dressing with a green flag,” wrote down a Reddit user on R/Twoxindia – Online community for Indian women -Im November 2024. At a Diwali party, this woman heard her long-time girlfriend-one polite, well-trained man from IIM, who worked in a top tech company-and bragged about the use of ‘Green Flag’ to attract and relieve women. He and his friends mocked the weight of a former classmate, fetishized women with a former classmate irregular menstrual cycles (PCOS) as available sex objects and casually published a strategy of performative feminism – in reality a hidden, misogynistic trap of “wokefishing”: respectfully, sleep with women and then ‘get married’Homely girl ‘ Selected by the parents. It turned out that the man, who was always a respectful ally for her, was actually only another women’s enemy in a feminist hoodie. “Wait only girls that if a man behaves a green flag, does not mean that he actually is,” she concluded.
How men started as a feminist
According to #metoo, the therapy discourse and the feminist language found its way into the urban mainstream of India. Dating apps, memes and online communities began with the speech of emotional work, borders, toxic masculinity and safe spaces.
Source: web
While many women felt hopeful and saw and understood their concerns without knowing them, a new kind of predator had tacitly notes: these were not the men who laughed at feminism or mocked “snowflakes”; They were those who participated in workshops for allies, nodded serious panels on the patriarchy and followed the feminist influencers on Instagram. They knew how to say the right things, and that was exactly what made them more difficult to see.
In metros and medium -sized cities in India, young women are increasingly reporting encounters with men who use this Language of progressiveness As a performance – while still acting in a way that harm, exploit and manipulated. ‘I met this guy online during the closure. He mentioned that he was a climate winner and that green and sustainability defined his life. But a week later, when I casually talked about how climate and sustainability on the college had to be topics, he mocked about it. I think he forgot that he had mentioned these things as important to him. At first I was confused, but then I realized that he could be camouflage About many other things, “said an Indian woman in 2020 and remembered her Tryst when he was” awakened “.
Rising of ‘Wokefishing’
“A wokefish can initially present itself as a protesta -proof, sex -positive, anti -racist, intersectional feminist, drink oat milk with ethically related milk … but in reality they do not give shit. Or as so often, they are active in their personal life. It is like catfish, but especially with political beliefs”, explains Serena Smithwhich is attributed to the term. “Wokefishing,” said simply when people camouflage people as progressive political views to commit potential partners. “
A wokefish can initially present itself as a protesta -suffering, sex -positive, anti -racist, intersectional feminist who drink oat milk with ethically related milk … but in reality they do not give shit. Or as so often, they are active in their personal life.
In short, it’s political cat fishing. The performative ally – or as the Internet could call it, is the ‘Softboi Sociopath’ – a structural feature of modern dating. Think about: Joe Goldberg (played by Penn Badgley) from Netflix are you.
The weapon of feminist and therapy by men is not globally new, with words such as “gas light”, “trauma” and “triggering” that have come into the popular discourse. A man speaks about the attention of limits, but persistently presses his partners into sex. He praises her strength as women, but makes backhand compliments about their “emotional instability”. He divides infographics about consent – and then haunted what he wanted after getting what he wanted.
‘Wokefisher can try to impress them with keywords or slogans without really understanding their meaning or just an understanding on surface level for complex problems such as Systemic oppression or privileges. You can only get involved in superficial activism, explains an article in Forbes.
Therapy speak as a tool for the gas light
In India, where in many circles talking about feelings is still considered radical, the shift is new. Only last month the actor Malavika Mohanan said of men in the film industry, ”[M]EN have really become smart … In the past 5-6 years, they know how to attract the mask of waking up. You know exactly what lines are to say that you like a feminist as a very future -oriented person, someone Who treats women as the same. And I saw how they went back from the public eye and the most misogynistic person ever became. ‘This corresponds to what researchers call “benevolent sexism” – sexism, which contracts in apparently positive attitudes.
Source: Fii
But the bright predator is even more insidious. He often punishes women with the language they believed that they would protect them. Imagine this: A woman tells her partner that his actions feel unsafe or manipulated, just to react with emotional gas light in therapy lessons “I think this is her trauma reaction that speaks” or “I have the feeling that I have the feeling of projecting unresolved problems” or “It sounds as if they do not regulate their emotions.” At a time when self-confidence is estimated, these men transform the therapy language into a mute tactic and turn the narrative so that the woman feels the problem. The damage is slow and subtle: if you have encountered the language of the “healing” to invalidate your experiences, you could question your reality.
A dating profile is a service
Dating apps – especially those who describe themselves as rooms for respectful, intentional dating – can enable this behavior by making men available to the production of a persona. A man who lists as a “feminist”, “pro-choice”, “emotionally available” and “in the therapy” is automatically received. And so this curated wokess becomes part of a strategic identity – similar to resume padding.
Dating apps – especially those who describe themselves as rooms for respectful, intentional dating – can enable this behavior by making men available to the production of a persona. A man who lists as a “feminist”, “pro-choice”, “emotionally available” and “in the therapy” is automatically received.
‘This person I came across in a dating app had a cool profile and his biography mentioned that he was a feminist and advocate of human rights. I liked that and when we had talked, we started to discuss the topic of “Black Lives Matter”. But he didn’t seem to know anything about it. After a little more conversations, I realized that he was not aware of one of these problems. «Another Indian woman of the Times of India said. These men have no catcall. They don’t scream. They often do not even raise their voice. Instead, they will be incredibly invalid, emotionally exploited and strategically withdrawn affection. And everywhere they claim plausible denial.
The cult of progressive rooms
What makes this even darker is the complicity of peer groups. Many of these men are located in social justice circles, strange collectives or even therapy groups where progressive men often become lions.
Source: NBC News
Speaking of male girlfriend, she once looked at a “solid ally” – only so that he is accused of having it emotionally and sexually abused His exen-one wife wrote: “He had used his sex-positive feminist rhetoric to gain her trust. He gradually had her self-esteem with small, spiked body shaming comments. Rape. He had isolated her from her social balls by telling them that he was worried about their security because other men were dangerous. And all the time he had to think that all of this was normal by enveloping every word, every movement, in a veil of feminist theory. ‘
The failure of such manipulation is profound. People who start with such men can be isolated, ashamed and worried about commenting – especially because the perpetrator is “liked” by others. The same writer, who was also in an informal sexual relationship with this former friend, actually did not realize that he was also abusive for her. “Although I escaped some of these abuses, my conversations with his exes helped me to think about my encounters with him and to see that he had actually manipulated me. His feminist bombast outside the bedroom convinced me that his violations had to be mistakes,” she added.
Wokefishing: from performative to robbery
Cognitive dissonance plays a major role in why so many women fall into such men. If someone who claims to be progressive shows an insight into care, we want to believe them. If you then do damage, we have difficulty reconciling these two contradictory realities – and instead it often blames us. And obviously it doesn’t take too long for the performative to turn into robbers. According to the Forbes article, she asks questions: “Why are you interested in the thing? What did you learn from your participation in the matter? Do you want you to do more for the thing? If so, what steps you take to get there, where you want to help?
It is important not only to listen to what people say, but also pay close attention to how they behave over time. Do your actions match your requirements? Do you stop these values when nobody watches – especially if the missions are not performative but personal?
In many ways, this is only a modern version that specifies to be someone else who is laid – only now is it wrapped into the activist Lingo. The feminist language should free. The therapy discourse should heal. But if these tools are guided by the wrong people, they become weapons to confuse, manipulate and control. Since women in urban India continue to navigate in a dating landscape full of green facades, it is crucial to sharpen our collective lens.
