Michelle Obama famously said “When they go low, we go high.” When I first heard that statement, the words hit me with the force of an epiphany. That same day, I decided to make them a mantra in my daily life. When someone acts badly, it is admittedly tempting to react in kind (I am no exception to the rule). There is always the easy option of taking the low road and responding in an underhanded, unscrupulous or contemptible manner. When someone insults you, one might feel compelled to retaliate with some choice words or aggressive conduct, but the reality is that rising above another’s offense actually frees you from engaging in petty arguments, character assignations and stooping to their unkind, denigrating and carping level. Taking the high road means prioritizing peace over the temporary satisfaction of winning an argument or having the last say. Another way of phrasing the conduct is simply to “do the right thing.” My son’s Sicilian godfather always advised, “Sii sempre una persona migliore” (always be the bigger person). In my mind, this translates to choosing the morally superior or ethical course of action in a situation, even when it might be difficult or tempting to react negatively.
Case in point – when a relative made a terribly hurtful comment about my special needs son not possibly being accepted to one of the most prestigious universities in the country because “he’s just not Ivy League material,” I held my breath and checked my immediate reaction to say something equally wounding. Instead, I took a breath and said, “we’ll see what plays out with his application.” When he was admitted, I sent my family member a short note and said, “Good news! He got in. We are so excited!” I never bothered to tell that relative he later went on to get a bachelor’s degree and two master’s degrees there, as well. When you take the high road, you do yourself a huge favor – acting with dignity and maintaining your principles even when others may not. You make a conscious decision to prioritize your values over your emotions. You are effectively saying, “I’m better than this bad situation, and I’m not going to let it drag me down.” That powerful choice shifts the dynamic of any adverse interaction and, more importantly, it shifts your own perspective into doing what is right and proper and vehemently throwing aside any gratification you might net in retaliation and hitting back, which honestly, is nothing but a temporary and mean consolation.
John C. Maxwell beautifully expressed the importance of behaving ethically in his 2011 article “The High Road Principle.” He said, “By taking the high road, high roaders ‘drain animosity and bitterness out of relations, serving to keep them open and productive. High roaders benefit themselves, too.’” High roaders choose a path as a conscious act of service to others while keeping their own scruples absolutely intact. In “Proverbs” in the Old Testament, it is written that. “It is a man’s glory to overlook an offense.” In I Corinthians 6:7, the apostle Paul also addresses the high road concept when he says, “Wouldn’t it be better to accept the fact that someone is trying to cheat and take advantage of you and simply choose the high road?” I couldn’t help chuckling when I turned on my country western station the other day, and the DJ brightly announced that he was going to play “High Road” by Koe Wetzel and Jessie Murph. Popular culture was apparently embracing the idea, too. “Good for them!” I thought as I listened with some amusement to the song’s lyrics: “Imma take the high road, take the road, Imma let you cool down/While I walk outYou ain’t messing me up like the times before/Imma gonna take the high road.”
A historian friend told me later that evening that the phrase “take the high road” actually became popular during the 1948 American presidential campaign where it was utilized to describe how Thomas Dewey dealt with Harry Truman’s dirty campaign tactics. But, the words seem to have originated in the chorus of a traditional Scottish song in the 1800s, “The Bonnie Banks o’Loch Lomond” – “You take the high road, and I’ll take the low road/And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye/But me and my true love will never meet again/On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.” I’m not sure those words in that context are referring to being the best version of yourself, but I do believe that choosing the high road means that you are taking the most positive and careful course of action, one grounded in compassion and integrity, and understanding and saying a firm “No!” to pettiness and negativity.
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