» Editor’s note: Feminist joy is an editorial column in which we celebrate our victories, joys and acts of love, big or small, for ourselves and as a collective resistance. You can email your entries to shahinda@feminisminindia.com
For a long time (sometimes even still) I didn’t fit the image of a “woman” or “woman”. A woman with “feminine” characteristics is often described as gentle, tender, delicate, etc., which to be fair is not the case for most women because that is simply why. As a child I was just a girl who played and enjoyed life, played sports, liked cars and enjoyed action movies. No one said these weren’t “girly” things, but as I grew up I became aware of the social connotations associated with them.
It is a “journey” to become a woman, to be comfortable in your own body, to find female friendships, to scream your eyes out, and to discover that you are good at some sport or maybe something else.
And so the question arose for me: What is it to be a woman? I’m still one, even if I don’t conform to these stereotypes, but am I a woman, a woman? There must be numerous women who wonder about such things and give room to such self-doubt due to societal norms and expectations. It’s a long journey to break away from all these ingrained images and settle for who you want to be, what comes naturally to you and embrace yourself.
It is a “journey” to become a woman, to be comfortable in your own body, to find female friendships, to scream your eyes out, and to discover that you are good at some sport or maybe something else.
A 14-year-old watched the entire World Cup series and talked for hours about the final between France and Croatia. He then called several sports academies and discovered that girls were not being given soccer lessons for no apparent reason. It seemed like a decision had already been made for me.
Stereotypes and conventions often require women to appear, behave, dress and, most importantly, act in a certain way, reducing much of our identity to criticism that we do not fit into this perfect feminine image.
So it seemed like I was really struggling with just being myself in this journey of becoming a woman.
But luckily it doesn’t end that way. The blessing of having made some female friendships saved me. These are the different bizarre women in your life who make it special in their own unique way. These can be women with whom you are one, or even as different as chalk and cheese. But they support you no matter what. And that’s the beauty of being a woman: we accept each other as we are and find ourselves beautiful for who we are, not what convention requires us to be.
Accept the cheesiness of the thought, but no one would ever look at you like many of your dear girlfriends would, the level of affection and admiration conveyed by a single look or word of appreciation is unmatched.
Accept the cheesiness of the thought, but no one would ever look at you the way many of your dear friends do, the level of affection and admiration conveyed by a single look or word of approval is unmatched. The process of receiving validation from another woman is certainly a joyful one, not only for the one being complimented but also for the one being complimented.
Through the bonds of these friendships, much survives, be it the sadness of being rejected from a job or heartbreak in life. Friendships start in the craziest ways, and even more so with a girl, because one moment you’re thinking about how aloof the other girl seems, and the next moment you’re both sitting together, unraveling a deep childhood trauma.
It is usually very important for women to be expressive. We tend to be expressive, be it in terms of work, appearance, etc. And why shouldn’t we? The act of expression itself is an empowering act. Expressing, conveying and resonating is what connects us as individuals. So women express themselves through words, actions and gestures.
One of the most popular ways to do this is through affirmations. The process of receiving validation from another woman is certainly a joyful one, not only for the one being praised but also for the one being praised. It is done to express admiration, approval and acceptance towards something. A compliment from another woman is a confirmation of any self-doubt you may have, it is more than just a compliment, the action expresses “I see you.”
A compliment from another woman is a confirmation of any self-doubt you may have, it is more than just a compliment, the action expresses “I see you.”
When a woman affirms another woman, it’s not just a compliment to her or an affirmation; It is the strength and courage she feels when she witnesses such support measures. It symbolizes appreciation and support and strengthens the idea of a community of women. These are small gestures of affection and support that bring female friendships to life. To tell each other how proud we are of each other, how beautiful they look, how I enjoy telling them about my life before them since it is an elaborate tradition, and how I walk through the market with them holding my hand.
To all my lovely ladies out there and your friends, you all deserve all the love in the world and lots of good food, clear skin and equal pay.
