Damn, It Took Me Almost 15 Years to Leave a Cult

I’m sharing my experience because there’s probably a Rebelle who is where I was.  If you relate to any of these, babes, I’m sorry to say but you’re probably in a cult or high-control religion. If my list feels familiar but you’re still not sure, I’d say try taking a break. Feeling anxiety about leaving a relationship or organization is a sign that it’s cultish.

Do you relate to any of these?

• I’m part of a religious organization that requires a certain percentage of my income to appease a God who resides in a realm where manmade currency has no value. Bonus points if the leaders live in extreme wealth while parishioners struggle to pay for their basic needs.
• I worship with a group of people who have bigoted beliefs against humans who don’t conform to their standards for expressing gender and sexuality. Bonus points if this community covers up non-consensual sexual acts.
• I’m part of a faith community that rejects modern medicine and makes parishioners feel like illness is a punishment from God and the result of bad acts. Bonus points if they offer proprietary health solutions that only work if you are 200 percent faithful to the protocol.
• My spiritual community promotes thought-terminating cliches.
• The organization I volunteer and worship with keeps me so busy that I barely have time to pursue non-related activities and interests.
• The worship service is several hours long and you don’t get to question the process or presenters. Honestly, if your worship service mimics any of the strategies used in Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) or high-pressure sales tactics, you better run for the exit.
• The church dictates your diet, media, and has a strict list of acceptable activities.
• There is an endless stream of expensive books, classes, and seminars promising to teach you how to find salvation in the afterlife. Like, whey they never just give the information away for free?
• There’s an obsession with the end times and life after death and little thought is given to fixing the problems present in this life. And when you do tackle earthly problems, the motivation is to get people to join your group or the strategy never involves fixing the systems that create the problems. Bonus points if the end times predictions flop and the new markers are now vague and indiscernible.
• There is a charismatic or super special leader who claims to have special gifts or insights. Bonus points if this leader makes false predictions about future events. Double bonus points if this leader has access to health secrets but somehow still died — I mean, transitioned from their earthly body.
• Do you hesitate to share your faith with others? That’s probably your gut telling you that shit ain’t right vs. the Devil tricking you to deny Christ or your esteemed leader, or whoever you worship.

I left my church for these and many other reasons. I’m not an expert on cults and high-control religions. I’m just a person who consumed a lot of cult-related media during the Panini Press and finally put 2 and 10 together.

Not sure if you are in a cult or a high-control religion? Here are some podcasts, YouTube channels, books, and other resources that helped me sort out feelings and facts.

Note: When you review these media, resist the urge to blame or ridicule victims. They are doing us a service by sharing their experiences. Be compassionate and reflect on the broader patterns vs. the specific acts. Doing so was how I was finally able to see that I was in a high-control religion. Life is busy, and options are even more limited when you are giving a good chunk of your money, time and talents to a toxic organization or relationship. It took me almost 15 years from the time I had my first doubt until I finally submitted my official request to terminate my membership. And I very likely would not have found the time if the COVID-19 pandemic hadn’t forced everyone to stay home. Without that break from routine and access to the following media, I probably would have just described my church as “conservative”. Here’s to rebelling against these systems of oppression while being kind to ourselves and others.