As Nicole Audrey Spector said
September is the month of the braineurysm.
It was August 11, 2022. I worked from afar that day. During a zooman call with my boss and colleagues, while I discussed a new project that I listed, heard and felt like a big pop in my head. Suddenly the voices of those in the meeting sounded strange, as if they were in stereo.
I didn’t know what had happened to me, but knew that I had to get out of the call. When I was relatively new in my job and didn’t know my boss or my colleague well, I had no idea how I should explain myself. I taped the chat that someone was on my door and hopped.
Minutes later I was on the wooden floors of my home office. I screamed for my husband Gary. He is a first aid policeman who went to bed a few hours earlier after working a night shift. He must have fallen asleep deeply. My 17-year-old child came in.
“Mom, mom, are you doing well?!” They cried.
“Go and get your father,” I said.
Gary soon hurried to the first aid police officer and asked me a list of questions to assess my condition. We thought this could be a serious migraine attack, and some over -the -counter drugs for migraine would help. Gary went to go to the nearby pharmacy to pick up something while my child was waiting with me.
When Gary returned, I was in the bathroom in the bathroom. Until then, it had been vomiting for about an hour. I was so tired that I couldn’t get up. Gary called an ambulance and within minutes I was taken to the nearest hospital.
Through his work, Gary knew that he has pretty well and I was quickly examined and quickly put into a room. It was found that I was in a stable state. The vomiting had stopped, but I was exhausted and my headache was unbearable. The fluorescence lights were like daggers in my eyes. I slipped out of consciousness and from the CT scan.
Gary let others know in our family that I was in the emergency room. My younger brother hurried and sat with me when the CT scan was carried out and the results were able. A doctor went through the results with us. Although I was dazed, I remember that she said: “Aretha has a brain hemorrhage.”
Gary and I looked at each other in horror. The words “brain blood” sounded like a death sentence for us. I thought of how Gary and I had celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary and how our child had just completed the high school. Mile stone events full of joy … only to pursue my tragic death at the age of 47.
I was brought to a trauma hospital where neurosurgeons call. I immediately liked the neurosurgeon who worked with me and my family. He was experienced and sensitive. He made things easy to understand and explained that I had two brain aneurysms. One had burst (that was the banging noise I had heard) and formed a blood clot. This blood clot had stopped the brain blood and finally saved my life. The other aneurysm had not burst and had to be cut off.
The neurosurgeon estimated that the two aneurysms would be operated on 10 hours to determine the two aneurysms. I don’t really remember how I felt when I heard it all. I was still out and so tired. Until then it was night.
The next morning I went to the operation. Tons of family and friends appeared. The waiting room, so I was told later, was only a steers, so that additional chairs had to be found to accommodate my community. My operation did not take the predicted 10 hours. Complications arose and it took almost 16.
When I was finally outside and recovered in the intensive care unit, my brain began to swell and I had to be brought back to the operation so that more could be removed from my skull. Poor Gary – until then he had been up for days.
The following weeks were an almost out -of -body experience. I was there, but I wasn’t there. I remember that I wore a very annoying glove on my right hand so that I would not touch my brain what was still exposed. My left arm was immobile – a result of the burst aneurysm. Complications arose. From August to November I was back and forth between the trauma hospital and the rehabilitation hospital. I had a total of 11 operations and I had lost £ 30 by October and needed a feeding tube.
When I healed, I worked with a physiotherapist, occupational therapists and speech therapists. It was difficult to accept how to get simple physical things like the bed was difficult to accept – but what really destroyed me was to see how dramatic my mind was affected.
I remember that I was presented with a connecting work sheet of the point. I was so insulted. I am a PHD-trained executive in a higher ED that works with statistics and analyzes-and you want me to complete a pre-guilt game? Then I went to connect the points and it was incredibly difficult. I could see what I had to do, but my body just couldn’t connect the points. I was amazed and humiliated.
I didn’t recognize my voice either. It was slow and steamed. I sounded like a muppet. I felt hopeless and defeated. At my lowest point I asked God to end my life. That night I had a spike fever and was brought to the emergency room. Did God answer my prayer for the end? I panic and pray to live, to apologize to God for my previous questions. I stabilized.
It was almost three years since my braineurysm broke. I am not the person I was before. My memory, once flawlessly sharp, is now stained and I have to constantly take notes. I am surrounded by post-its that lead me through my day. I have returned to work, but I no longer feel comfortable to manage people, so I have a different role.
You may think that my life is worse than before my medical exams. In fact, it is better. I am far more spiritual and connected to God than before. I have never done much more for myself in terms of self -care, but now I take the time to rest and rejuvenate. I also work with a mental health therapist – something that I have never opened. I also work with a trainer for brain injuries and think constructively about my future. I try new things. I meet new people. And I am more fulfilled and supported than ever.
During my healing trip I heard the word “recovery” again and again. It’s not a bad word, but it means that it returns to a place that simply no longer exists. By practicing Loveyourbrain -Yoga, which are specially directed for people with brain injuries, I prefer the word “resistance”.
I encourage others who live with an effective illness or a medical event, to concentrate on resilience and to open their spirit to new experiences and new people. Celebrating the little victories is also so important. When I left the hospital in 2022, I needed help when walking, showering and putting on. I couldn’t drive. I relied on others who helped me with things that I used to be a matter of course that I had little effort to do before. After a lot of time, exercise and faith, I am more independent and can do a lot myself – including drive. Incredible progress!
I think so many of us have this urge to become super women. We do not know that we are already super woman – we are simply too much involved in the high expectations of society to appreciate it. I look forward to seeing God’s plan for me in this new lifetime.
resources
Brain Aneurysm Foundation
Brain injury association of America
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