Bitch-slapping a Trump-supporting relative
Oh no, my cousin is a Trump fanboy! I cracked my knuckles, wiped the crust from my eyes, and reached across the metaphorical aisle to gently bitch slap some sense into my Trump-supporting cousin.
My sister rang my phone around 6 am on the morning after the 2016 U.S. Presidential elections. Before I offered a groggy ‘hello’, she shouted, “Ah ha, bitch! Trump won!! Ha! Ha! Ha!” I’d went to bed before the count was over so that’s how I learned the election results. I am an immigrant. My family does not live in the U.S. so I forgave them for not taking the elections as seriously as those would be directly affected by the foolishness.
I spent the next 8 years educating my parents and siblings on identifying credible news sources, breaking down Trump’s lies, and recontextualizing the administration’s horrible policies to show how it would affect them if he were their leader of government. In the end, my immediate family remains xenophobic, transphobic, homophobic, classist, anti workers rights, anti socialism, and still closely hold many problematic beliefs. In 8 years, I only moved the needle enough to get them to share fewer pro-Trump media in the family chat and to stop openly agreeing with his policies.
To admit as much is truly embarrassing when you consider that my parents were 8 and 7 when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated. They lived to see the improvements that came as a results of the Black civil rights movement. All those vacations to Florida would not be as enjoyable if segregation were still a thing.
The day of the 2024 U.S. Presidential elections, I explicitly told my family not to call or text me regarding the results. I asked them to wait until I brought up the topic.
On November 13, 2024 at 4:43 am, my phone buzzed. It was a text message from my 32-year-old male cousin. Since the Netherlands is 7 to 8 hours ahead of Chicago, it is common to receive calls and texts at such early hours.
Chad’s dad, my uncle, saved my life. He helped me work through my depression and improve my algebra grades. Without him, I would have flunked out of high school and gotten stuck on my small island. Without leaving my island, I probably would not have found a community of open-minded radicals. Without his support, I would not have had the courage to be myself and pay dust to the bullies. Unfortunately, my uncle passed when his kids were in their late teens and early twenties. I vowed to support my cousins, especially Chad, in any way I could. I thought I was doing a good job until the following text message exchange.
Chad: In Trump we trust 😂
Me: Bruh, I really need [REDACTED] to die before January. A plane crash. COVID. SOMEEEETHING!
Chad: Aii no Trump is our boyy
Me: Your boyy is a broke scammer with a baby brain. sorry
Chad: He’s a billionaire with a vision. No more of this you were born in the wrong body😂
Me: Pause. Are you being serious or joking?
Chad: Serious, I don’t believe in preaching that to little kids. Men / females using the same bathroom. I think it’s becoming too much.
I cracked my knuckles, wiped the crust from my eyes, and reached across the metaphorical aisle to gently bitch slap my Trump-supporting cousin.
Following online discussions, this conversation would be a good reason to stop talking to my cousin. However, I’d vowed to help Chad become a man his dad would be proud of. My uncle was a gentle soul. He might have been pro capitalism, but he was not homophobic. He was not sexist; he shared in household duties and was never found making misogynist jokes—even when his wife cheated on him multiple times. My uncle was one of the good ones.
Instead of responding with a wall of text detailing why Trump and his policies suck, I put on my listening ears and asked my cousin to elaborate on his statements—starting with the anti-trans bathroom comments.
I learned that my cousin knew of and accepted intersex people but believed that transgender people were very dedicated pedophiles. After failing to convince them that they weren’t, I switched gears to have him think through MAGA plans to enforce gender checks at public bathrooms.
No, my cousin doesn’t want to have to prove that he’s a man every time he needs to use the bathroom. No, he couldn’t find a news article of a transgender person suing a public bathroom to commit sex crimes against children.
When I recontextualized MAGA bathroom plans for our small island, he was surprised at how much it would cost to pay a security guard minimum wage to post outside of high school bathrooms. And no, he would not apply to such a job even if he was desperate for work because the pay and job requirements–which he set—were trash.
I explained to my cousin that I wouldn’t vote for Trump because it was clear that Trump hated people like me—Black (not white), an immigrant, a woman, a poor, and an anti-capitalist.
Chad: If I were to ask you to prove that Trump hates all black people, which evidence would you bring forward? I would argue and say that the majority of wealthy class people look down on poor. Would you agree?
Prove that Trump hates “all black people”??? N—how many people is it okay to hate solely based on the color of their skin? How many people is it okay to hate because of their race before qualifying as a racist?
After taking a day or two to scream into the void and mumble to myself like a crazy person, I calmly recapped Trump’s history with The Exonerated Five. I explained that only tolerating rich Blacks in one’s social circle and employing Black people doesn’t make someone anti-racist.
At this point, our Trump-related conversation had been going on for a few weeks. Upon reflection, I don’t think having The Answers™ made him receptive to being gently bitch-slapped. I think what worked was coming to him from a place of love rather than desiring to dunk on an ignorant bigot.
Here’s my advice to those of you who find yourself in similar situations:
– Don’t let Thanksgiving be the only time you engage with family who might not share the same beliefs as yourself. If you are essentially a stranger, people have no reason to be vulnerable and listen to you.
– Remember that you both are fallible humans. You are right about this thing, but not everything. Admit when you don’t have the answers and be willing to give props when due. Sometimes sharing anecdotes from your intellectual “Dark Ages” is more powerful than any theory or news article.
– Speak in specifics and recontextualize topics so that the other party can better empathize. Sadly, humans are selfish. I’m ashamed to admit how many radical ideologies I adopted because they directly affected me or someone I loved.
– Use pop culture topics as jumping-off points for deeper conversation. The best parents and mentors know how to discuss heavy topics without being all afterschool special. You might never get your relatives to read bell hooks but you can share a TikTok from Kimberly Nicole Foster aka For Harriet or an article from Rebellious Magazine.
– Find other things to bond over. Again, people aren’t logical but we can be easily influenced by those we trust or aspire to be like. Bitching about your jobs can be a great jumping-off point to talk about workers rights. Bitching about your landlord is a perfect opportunity to discuss housing inequality. Nothing brings people closer than mutual hate of a person or issue.
In conclusion, we can’t change the election results but, we can still push back against many of the horrible policies this administration will try to implement by winning over more people to the cause. Ego tells us to laugh at all the people who voted against our collective interests especially when they are also being hurt. Today I challenge you to befriend an idiot and gently bitch-slap some sense into them.
