Some things in life are easier to let go of than others, so it makes sense that you reach a certain point in adulthood where you hold a little resentment. After all, it is a very common reaction when you are injured. While it’s never fun to hold a grudge, new research suggests it may be holding you back from becoming happier and healthier.
The findings do not mean that you have to let everything happen in life. But they are a good argument for reconsidering who you consider your mortal enemy in the future, if only to protect your health. (And of course, to bring a better mood into the world.)
Here’s what the study found and what mental health experts recommend to lower your levels of resentment in the future.
Meet the experts: Hillary Ammon, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness; Richard G. Cowden, PhD, senior study author, psychologist and research scientist at the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University and the Department of Epidemiology at the Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health.
What did the study find?
The study, published in NPJ Mental Health, analyzed data from the Global Flourishing Study, focusing on nearly 208,000 people in 23 countries.
The study asked participants how often they forgave people who had hurt them. This helped researchers determine a person’s level of dispositional forgiveness, that is, how likely they are to forgive others over time and in different situations.
About a year later, participants completed a second survey that assessed 56 well-being outcomes across different areas of life, including psychological well-being, social well-being, social and psychological distress, and physical health.
After analyzing the data, researchers found that the tendency to forgive others was associated with modest improvements in a number of areas of well-being. The exact amount varied depending on the type of well-being, but the tendency to forgive was most often associated with better psychological and social well-being.
People who were more forgiving also reported higher levels of optimism, a better understanding of their life purpose, and higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships.
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What if you can’t forgive someone?
Not quite. “Forgiveness is typically not an all-or-nothing process,” says Richard G. Cowden. Instead, he recommends viewing forgiveness as a skill that grows over time and with practice.
“Even if someone is still struggling with unresolved hurts, they may have already benefited from the forgiveness they have experienced in other situations,” he says. “If someone struggles to forgive in some cases, that does not necessarily exclude them from the potential benefits of forgiveness. Rather, it may reflect the reality that forgiveness is often challenging and can unfold gradually and unevenly across different experiences and relationships.”
Even people with high levels of dispositional forgiveness can have difficulty forgiving others in some situations, Hillary points out. “It can depend on the severity of the crime or the relationship to the perpetrator,” she says.
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The snack bar
“Holding grudges can be detrimental to both physical and mental health,” says Ammon. “People who tend to hold grudges also tend to harbor more anger and stress. They may also have a more negative outlook on life.”
Combining these emotions and thinking styles can make you more likely to have anxiety and depression, she says. “Chronic anxiety, anger, stress or depressive symptoms can in turn lead to higher cortisol levels, higher blood pressure and muscle tension,” says Ammon.
With this in mind, Cowden understands that forgiveness is not always easy. “It’s important to recognize that and not put too much pressure on ourselves to get there quickly,” he says. “Forgiveness often feels more natural when people view it as a process rather than a one-time, all-or-nothing experience.”
This article by Korin Miller was originally published on Women’s Health US.
