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We recently read a New York Times article called “Can the ‘Princess Treatment’ Go Too Far?” [gift link], which explores the online debate over men’s “princess treatment” of their women partners. And sure, like a lot of NYT Style stories, it’s probably exaggerating the spread of this trend — indeed, it has a strong focus on TikTokers. Still, we thought it’d make for a good discussion today, particularly from readers’ professional (and potential breadwinner) perspectives.
Have you heard of “princess treatment” in male/female relationships? What are your thoughts on men and “chivalry” in general? Is the principle totally outdated? Do you have certain expectations or hopes for how you like to be treated by romantic partners?
Note: This discourse involves heterosexual relationships (cishet, as far as I can tell), but if that doesn’t apply to you, of course we’d love comments on how the dynamic can play into LGBTQ+ relationships.
{related: why and how to start couples therapy}
Here are some excerpts from the story:
A husband opening the car door for his wife. A boyfriend surprising his girlfriend with flowers. Remembering her birthday. Tying her shoes. Paying for her nail appointment. Are these normal expectations or examples of the “princess treatment”? [Hmm, this is quite a range!]
If I am at a restaurant with my husband, I do not talk to the hostess, I do not open any doors and I do not order my own food. … [It’s] a “gentle way of living” and a “softness” that allows your partner to lead with strength. — a 37-year-old married woman
Others said princess treatment, in general, was just the sign of a healthy relationship. “There’s certain times somebody is going to need to pick up the slack for the other person,” [Charles] Raynor said, later adding, “But I would hope that a lot of the guys would want to treat their girl like a princess.” — a 32-year-old married man
{related: does your love language really matter?}
And yes, the article does address the issue of whether this dynamic can be a way to relate to your partner in a healthy way, or whether it reinforces traditional gender roles in a negative way and/or leads to women not prioritizing their own needs. The NYT also quoted a therapist who said men’s princess treatment could help acknowledge the invisible mental load women carry.
On TikTok, at least, the meme has lead to a lot of discussion on where the bar is for men “behaving well,” with “princess treatment” usually being used to describe a man going above and beyond (or a woman expecting treatment far and above beyond what most people consider the bar to be). Should your partner bring you food when you’re sick? Arrange a birthday dinner? Open doors for you?
Readers, what do you think of princess treatment? Is it just a new name for an old type of relationship? If you’re in a relationship, how do you balance doing things for each other? Do you prefer when the man always pays for dinner, for example? Do you have a certain view on this because of the culture you grew up in?
Stock photo via Pexels / Jep Gambardella.
