What would you choose if you could have any superpower in the world? Most people don’t say mind reading, because, well, you don’t usually want to know if someone thinks your new haircut was a mistake. And I get that—really, I do. But having the ability to read someone’s mind would save me, and a lot of women I know, all the time we spend spiraling. As I listened to Rachael Kirkconnell share the details of her breakup with Matt James on Call Her Daddy, all I could think about was how much heartache she would have been saved if she had that ability, too. Unfortunately, from what I gathered from the interview and what I have experienced myself in real life, expecting an emotionally immature man to be honest with you is just about as far-fetched as being able to read his mind.
After four years together, Kirkconnell said she felt like their breakup came “out of nowhere,” and girl, we agree. James talked publicly about planning for their future together, which included a proposal and eventually building a family. But unfortunately, that’s all it was: talk. He ultimately admitted that he couldn’t see himself being married to her. Ouch.
According to Kirkconnell, “the words were there, but the actions weren’t,” so she “held on” to the idea that he wanted their relationship to progress. Unfortunately, a lot of women can relate. Whether they are waiting on an engagement, waiting for someone to put a label on their relationship, or simply just waiting for someone to text them back about plans, it’s not so much about wanting to see the future as much as it is wanting to make sure you’re on the same page about whether or not there is a future at all.
As we know, every relationship progresses at a different rate—some couples wait almost a decade to get engaged, while others get married in an instant. So while there isn’t a definitive answer to how long is too long to wait (whether it’s to get down on one knee or confirm plans for a third date), there are red flags that could indicate that maybe you should stop waiting on them after all. Of course, it’s easier to see red flags in hindsight, but Rachael Kirkconnell’s Call Her Daddy interview brought some common ones to light that I think we can all keep in the back of our minds.
“It’s not so much about wanting to see the future as much as it is wanting to make sure you’re on the same page about whether or not there is a future at all.”
Most importantly, know this: The right person won’t make you feel like you’re not doing enough to be loved the way you deserve to be loved. So if you find yourself wondering what’s wrong with you that they haven’t committed, ask yourself: Is this right for me? If “you’re always giving 110 percent” without receiving the same, if you compromise your values for the sake of not causing an argument, and if you feel like they always hold the cards, give your relationship a hard look. This isn’t to say that problems never come up in relationships that would warrant these doubts, but if these feelings exist even though everything seems great on the surface, there is a bigger issue at hand.
When you’re spiraling out of control wondering when or if they might eventually take action, this interview, if nothing else, confirms that you’re not alone. But it’s also a reminder that you hold the cards, too. Like Cooper says to Kirkconnell about getting engaged, “You should have a say on whether it’s going to happen or not.” The future of your relationship is not just up to them.
This isn’t to say you have to rush to the finish line, but “You do deserve someone who, without a doubt, wants to be with you,” says our collective big sister, Cooper. If their words aren’t lining up with their actions, ask yourself: Have I waited too long?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hailey Bouche, Associate Editor
As an Associate Editor for The Everygirl, Hailey Bouche oversees, writes, and edits content across various categories on the site. From the pitching stage through publishing, she works alongside the team to ensure that the content that our readers see every day is inspiring, relatable, and timely.
