Refinery29 is proud to partner with SharkNinja, the provider of high-quality products and devices designed to make your life easier – like the Ninja BlendBOSS™, a powerful on-the-go hand blender. One fan of Ninja BlendBOSS™ is Samantha Feher, a 28-year-old podcaster, entrepreneur and content creator from New York City. Here, in this personal essay shared with Andrea Cheng, she opens up and talks candidly about her wellness journey, her new approach to health and fitness, and how the Ninja BlendBOSS™ fits seamlessly into her everyday routine.
Two years ago I was feeling pretty bad. I cried every day. Not that you know it – I appeared on the television screens of millions of Americans every Monday night with a smile on my face, reminding everyone that summer should be fun. I was thrust into the national spotlight after appearing on a reality show. There I met (and started dating) a man who was just… not very nice to me. But sometimes really beautiful. And then again, really not nice. I think the kids call it a “toxic relationship.” So I had to deal with this, sending me into a spiral of insecurity, depression and anxiety, while also having to deal with the snarky comments from millions of viewers.
I felt like I was under a magnifying glass and everyone in the world was seeing the worst parts of my life up close. All I could think about was how I was perceived, so I started living my life based on what I thought these people thought of me. In short, I lived two lives: one with red carpets and big grins that felt mostly insincere — and one that was more honest but completely miserable. It wasn’t until my relationship ended that I realized how much of a toll it had taken on me physically and mentally. I realized there was nothing wrong with me – there was something wrong with…well, there was something wrong with that.
So I decided to embark on a healing journey (insert glitter emojis here). In November 2023, I redesigned my life, determined to “get the work done.” My body was already showing signs of trauma: I was inflamed, bloated, and my skin was breaking out. I read up on anti-inflammatory diets and changed my exercise routine accordingly. I took care of myself: I did therapy, I journaled, I unpacked some difficult things, I took breaks from social media, I spent quality time with friends and family.
During this two-year journey, I learned to prioritize my mental and physical health. But the biggest takeaway was that we learned about health from a whole new perspective – a perspective that is neither entirely accessible nor intuitive. There is a lack of health information written by women, for women and about women. For example: the importance of weightlifting. I’m on a journey to recompose my body (sounds intimidating, I know, but hear me out), which essentially involves eating more protein, carbs, and fats. All that really means is that I’m trying to build muscle, because skeletal muscle mass is directly related to how long we live. Simply put: I want to be strong. I want to build muscle so I can live longer, so I can absorb things, and I don’t hurt myself while working out. Even if my heart is broken, my mind and body remain in one piece.
And to be completely honest: I can’t do it without my Ninja BlendBOSS™. I’ve always been a smoothie fanatic, but my protein shakes have become a staple in my daily routine, especially since I realized I needed to drastically increase my protein intake. Now I can barely make it out the door without my stomach growling if I don’t start my morning with a protein shake (mine tastes like dessert, I swear), and I can’t recover afterward without my 100 ounces of water, powdered supplements, or homemade electrolyte mix.
The Ninja BlendBOSS™ is something of an all-in-one product – it’s a blender, a cup, a bottle, all conveniently housed in one easy-to-use (and super stylish) vessel. It’s for the busy mom on the go, for the drinking queen whose emotional support object is her water bottle (me), for the fitness it girl who doesn’t like to deviate from her routine (me too).
If you’ve never tanked with a goal in mind, it’s hard to understand what a lifesaver it is. I always sigh deeply when women say they avoid lifting weights because they’re “afraid of getting fat.” If only they knew how much food they would have to eat to achieve something like that. Since I’m trying to hit 125g of protein, 225g of carbs, and 50g of fat, adding protein powder, peanut butter, bananas, and Greek yogurt to a shake allows me to get at least 30g of protein before I even head out the door in the morning. Thanks to Ninja BlendBOSS™ I achieve my numbers in a healthy and fun way.
For most of my life, the driving force when it came to my physical appearance was to look a certain way to other people in order to fit what I thought was the standard of beauty, which, let’s be honest, was skinny. As a child, with my blonde hair and blue eyes, I heard that I looked like a doll, and my whole life I felt like that’s how I should look. This meant I wore a size Double Zero, had visible abs, and made sure my hair, makeup, and nails were always taken care of.
I should mention that I was a ballerina as a child and had plans to become a professional (I lost at 16 due to a career-ending injury). Anyone who has ever danced ballet knows that many studios are breeding grounds for body image issues. Dressed in bright pink leotards and tights, dancers before the age of 13 almost invariably hear “I can see your lunch” (as in…they can see your belly) more often than “great job.”
In the past, women were taught to believe that getting in shape meant losing weight – and losing weight meant doing more cardio and eating less. That was my attitude for so long. I used to frequently attend HIIT classes, which are optimized for higher heart rates and shedding pounds. But two of my coaches over the years – Taylor Rae Roman and Madison Feeney – both of whom I now consider friends, have changed my thinking. Through her I learned to be strong instead of thin.
I admit: When I first set out to build muscle, I was very scared. As a dancer, creator and public figure, I have always been very conscious of how my body looked and felt. I thought: What if I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself? I already know that there will be times when I pick myself apart – tweaking parts of myself, questioning and worrying about what other people think. These are habits that you don’t forget in one day.
But the motivation to do this is for myself – not for other people. And it’s not easy, but if I’ve learned anything on this journey, it’s that anything worth doing is hard. I already see a difference. Just this morning I noticed that my body looked a little bigger. But I also noticed something more important, more exciting: the voice in my head that proclaimed my victories was drowning out the voice that whispered my fears. I used a 45 pound weight instead of a 40 pound weight. Without being out of breath, I climbed the five flights of stairs to my apartment. I felt hungry at every meal because I was finally supporting my body with nutrients in a way that actually speeded up my metabolism. It all feels so rewarding and empowering because that’s how your body is supposed to work. To the untrained eye these changes are too subtle to notice, but to me they are a big deal.
Have you heard the saying, “You have to love yourself before someone else can love you”? I really used to think it was nonsense. But I have to say: I’m not sure it’s a coincidence that the first time I started loving myself – about six months into my healing journey – was also the time my boyfriend and I met. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this is the healthiest, happiest relationship I’ve ever had. Everything that is good in your life comes from loving yourself. Taking care of yourself can help you feel strong and powerful. Nice. Adorable.
Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, you’re probably wondering where I ended up. To answer your question: I’m still there. Because although society convinces us that there is a “before” and “after” to every trip, the truth is: it is never really over. But I have decided on my goal. After all this soul searching, this healing, I feel like it is my duty to share this message with other women going through the same thing. I know how many of them are 30 minutes into their torturous spin classes and think, “If I’m just an inch shorter, maybe someone will love me.” I was there. I know what it’s like to outsource your identity and self-esteem to the opinions of others. It sucks. So if I can help even one person change that mindset or even pursue the goal of being stronger and healthier for themselves and no one else, then I would go through all the pain again so we could find each other here, together, now. It would all be worth it.
Follow Sam on Instagram (@samanthafeher) or listen to her podcast (CAPS LOCK, @lifeincapslock) to learn more about her healing journey.
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