I just celebrated my 35th birthday. Or maybe it is “complaining that another shoot in the sun” is more precise because I spent the days until July 11th. I read somewhere that 35 marked the beginning of the midlife, and while the age range of this milestone is currently being discussed on social media, I forced myself to deal with a hard reality: I don’t know how, but I may have made it to the middle age, and although I have crossed countless goals from my life list, I did not have as happy as I thought I was arriving when I arrived. Actually, I am generally not so happy.
So I did what single thousand-year-old women do in unpleasant, emotional in-betweens: I did a solo trip.
To be clear when I booked my stay at the Jungala Park Hotel in Playa del Carmen, I intended to have a flirty and a blooming vacation with a friend. The Vidantarld Resort is classified deep in the tropical jungle of Riviera Maya and is a luxurious escape that is made for fun and romance. There is Jungala Aqua experience -a boutique -luxus -water park -and five outdoor pools, access to a private beach made of white sand and the Joya show by Cirque du Soleil, all on site. But when each of the three people I invited to join me when my plus-one couldn’t make it-very real and logistical-groundwurde realized that I would do this luxurious adventure alone.
At first it didn’t seem ideal. How much fun can a person have in a resort who has been enjoyed in pairs or groups? After an exciting vertical drop through the paradise paradise of the water park, there is no one to laugh, sip the cocktail in a pool bar or enjoy the breakfast buffet of the hotel room on my travel route. Although I have largely made solo in life in recent years, I should have fun, I thought, in society, especially in well -known society.
When I sipped the red Chilean wine from a hammock in the balcony of my room, stared into the lush canopy of ripe palm trees and listened to the tropical spotters, I found that this trip would be less ya chick-flick and more self-discovering middle-aged. And I started crying. Again. When did the hell happen?
As a cancer, I am a helpless crier, so that this moment would always come with dramatic tears. I could have crying about the breathtaking view or privilege, a job with discounts such as press entrances or the blessing of spending my birthday vacation with someone I love. But at that moment my tears with grief and fear were bound for a young person that I had after I had to enjoy myself after I had spent a lifelong revise and healing of back-to-back triadies and feared that I had no time to fall in mutual love and to start a family. I cried and worked most of my first day and dried my eyes between the smile with servers at Delectable Beachfront Dinners and Smalltalk with the friendliest concierge employees I have ever met.
“I gave myself the permission to feel every emotion that was burned into me: gratitude for the career and the home that I built for myself, and I regret that I have no longer took time for dating and relationships. I would feel the fear of the uncertainty of my future – my career, finance, relationships and relationships – and the wonderful reality of the present moment.”
Raquel Reichard
The next day, when the rising sun looked through the curtain of the floor of my bedroom and woke me up, I realized that although I might not really need the girls I had imagined, the food, the love, the love that goes with solo trip. So I gave myself the permission to feel every emotion that was burned into me: gratitude for the career and the home that I built for myself, and it regretted that I had no more time for dating and relationships. I would feel the fear of the uncertainty of my future and indulge in the wonderful reality of the current moment.
I showered, cleaned, cleaned my face, cried again, called my mother again, cried more and wiped my tears in time to open the door to a cook, who treated a table with all-II-eat breakfast minutes later, from Pan Dulce, fresh fruits and parfaits to omelets, pancakes, waffles and more.
With a very full stomach I caught some work and went to the Jungala Aqua experience, where I was led to a private cabana that is embedded in lush leaves. I spent a large part of my day right there -daydreaming in a hammock and bird watching from the plush lounge bed. I got up to enjoy some grinding around the Lazy River – the longest in Latin America – and laughed with guests that I would never see again when our tubes crashed, or every time I was soaked under a waterfall.
Who knows how many hours later, I returned to my trance in the outdoor bed. Since three small birds were sitting on the wooden railing of my Cabana, I received a spiritual message – a download, as some say: “This moment is fleeting. While you have not imagined this as a solo trip, it could be one of the last vacation that you can take for a little alone.
“Perhaps the middle age is for me when I come back to my youngest and wildest myself, the girl in front of to-do lists and important life goals, the Raquel who lived currently and without a plan.”
Raquel Reichard
A few moments later someone came from a neighboring Cabana to flirt and buy Margaritas. I talked, giggled, became red, sipped and wrote down a number that I knew I would never write an SMS. But I really enjoyed what it was – another sweet, unplanned moment of fading.
The next day I felt so much easier. Don’t get me wrong, I still cried – but it wasn’t just afraid. It was a knowledge of how I created my current life, I was able to do the same for the life that I wanted to lead next. I just had to find out how I wanted this life to look. While I still found this part, I knew that I was ready to release grief and restart another future.
After a brunch on the lake, I spent the day in the Beach Club, a chic retreat between a sparkling infinity pool and the Caribbean Sea. Under a purely white Cabana that felt very white Lotus, I switched off my cell phone, drank Sangria and read “Women with the wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. The book is an excavation of the untamed, intuitive nature of women that were buried during the centuries of conditioning, and it felt like an answer or perhaps an invitation. In the films that I saw as a teenager, the mid-life crises have built up the life and relationships of the characters. This is not my style. But maybe for me is the middle age when I come back to my youngest and wildest myself, the girl in front of to-do lists and important life goals, the Raquel who lived currently and without a plan.
A few hours later, after the sun burned my thighs red, I returned to my hotel room with my book and found a surprise inside: balloons, a pink Happy Birthday banner, a cake with an unlit candle and an edible chocolate crab for the cancer period. I cried again. I had just said the concierge this morning that my birthday was coming up, and there was already a card in my room with a note with the inscription “I wish you wish you a fantastic 35th birthday and a year full of great adventures.”
Great adventure, I wanted that and it had already started.
That night, my last in Mexico, I went to Cirque du Soleil Joyà, the only cirque show in Latin America, combined theater performance with a fine meal experience. In the audience, Joyà swept me into the enchanting world of a young girl, who suddenly came across a mystical journey alongside her eccentric grandfather, a natural researcher and alchemist. Just like the grandfather in history, the cook has conjured up a secret with every course. The cocktails looked like smoky potions, dishes came under glass clays, and a delicious selection of desserts (including vegan options) were served in a book -shaped box. I had previously seen a Cirque du Soleil show, but she didn’t come close to the experience that night. I laughed out loud, ate cloudy secrets and felt full of an imaginative, mystical universe.
I didn’t have the birthday vacation in Jungala Park with a friend that I had imagined, the laughing night and loud laugh, but I think I got the trip I needed. That of self -reflection, breakthroughs and reconciliation. That of silence, purpose and surprise. And certainly my eyes were open, red and swollen when I went to Cancún Airport, but also my heart.
Over the past 35 years, I have lived life according to a to-do list in the past 35 years: get good grades, visit the college in New York, visit Graduate School, become publisher of a magazine, write a book and buy a house. I have exceeded everyone and many more. I am proud of myself. Deep. The women in my family never had the privilege to do the things I did and I was able to travel around the world right away. And although I am grateful, I followed my own, self-written travel route, and for all places where I guided me, I think 35 invites me to step out of the to-do list.
I think maybe the joy I searched for lies – in the “big adventure”.
How do you see How about more R29, exactly here?
