It’s often tempting to dismiss everyday forms of entertainment as trivial. Various media such as films, books and advertising are often viewed as a source of entertainment and escape from the “real” world. However, feminist scholarship has often shown that the role is intertwined with reality, that is, the representation of “reality” not only represents it but also helps to recreate it. The importance of the media lies not only in what it represents, but also in its ability to shape “common sense”. Over time, repeated images and narratives can make certain experiences and meanings normal, natural, and even desirable.
These regimes of meaning-making and social education do not remain limited to traditional institutions, but migrate, adapt and intensify in new places of public life. In contemporary contexts, digital platforms have become important sites for the dissemination of sexual and romantic norms. Social media not only reflects existing ideas about love, intimacy, desire, and “femininity”; it actively participates in their production and normalization.
By describing softness, dependence, and care for women as “girlish” and natural, these phrases create and reinforce gender stereotypes that feminism has fought hard against. How does the “Soft Girl” trend on Instagram influence gender expectations?
It is this production and normalization of certain norms that is worth examining by looking at some common digital phrases, such as “girl math,” “female urge,” “I’m just a girl,” and “soft girl era,” that any of us can easily find when we spend some time on Instagram. At first glance, these phrases may seem politically harmless and devoid of any social significance. However, these seemingly neutral and innocent phrases serve a purpose. They shape certain gender expectations and normalize certain ideas around desire, love, intimacy, care, and romantic relationships.
By describing softness, dependence, and care for women as “girlish” and natural, these phrases create and reinforce gender stereotypes that feminism has fought hard against. How does this work? Instagrams “Soft Girl” trend shapes gender expectations?
“Soft Girl” as a public figure
Phrases like “soft girl era” and “I’m just a girl” are easy to find on Instagram. “Soft Girl Era” is generally used to signal a move toward gentleness and emotional lightness, while “I am just a girl” represents the retreat from assertiveness and reduced seriousness as natural for women. Although these expressions are used casually, they create a certain type of publicly recognizable figure. Their repeated dissemination across users and contexts gives them a common intelligibility. Instead of viewing them as innocent trends that individuals follow on Instagram, they need to be treated as media that creates and propagates a certain type of “soft girl” – one that continues to be “feminine” and caters to the capitalist wellness industry.
Although these expressions are used casually, they create a certain type of publicly recognizable figure. Their repeated dissemination across users and contexts gives them a common intelligibility.
A search for “Soft Girl Era” on Instagram brings up a certain aesthetic: pastel tones, emphasis on self-care, and of course, femininity. The problem lies not in the softness itself, but in how it is processed into a commodity. Furthermore, as British sociologist Beverly Skeggs argues, femininity is not an entity but a set of socially generated dispositions that acquire meaning through recognition and appreciation. In this sense, femininity itself is not a fixed set of attributes that women must aspire to. It is largely constructed according to patriarchal standards and by our own society. Similarly, “I’m just a girl” reels on Instagram demonstrate forgetfulness, shirking of responsibility, and silliness as “girlish” and therefore desirable traits.
These trends not only create certain desires, but also normalize and reinforce them. This is reinforced by platform-specific response modes. Comments like “That’s literally me” or “So real” don’t just express personal identification; They help stabilize the figure itself.
These trends not only create certain desires, but also normalize and reinforce them. This is reinforced by platform-specific response modes. Comments like “That’s literally me” or “So real” don’t just express personal identification; They help stabilize the figure itself. As social theorist Michael Warner suggests, publics are formed through circulation and address, and it is through such moments of recognition that norms take shape.
“Soft Girl” Discourses and Desire
Having established the “soft girl” as a publicly recognizable figure, we must now turn to the question of how these discourses and relational expectations normalize and naturalize certain forms of desire. On Instagram Reels, desire is often articulated through phrases like “the female urge,” which portray wanting, caring, or striving as inherently gendered impulses. We need to focus our attention not only on what these drives express, but also on how simply being labeled “feminine” stabilizes certain assumptions about gender, desire, and agency.
The problem lies less with the content of individual reels and more with the formation of categories. By using the label “feminine,” these phrases reinforce that there is a way to be feminine. The problem is not what is considered feminine, but the term itself.
Roles that use the phrase “the female urge” vary greatly in content. Some invoke nurture, such as “the female urge to adopt a child,” while others invoke autonomy, such as “the female urge to learn any skill that makes me unstoppable.” The presence of such variation makes it clear that the trend is not uniformly regressive. However, the problem lies less with the content of individual reels and more with the formation of categories. By using the label “feminine,” these phrases reinforce that there is a way to be feminine. The problem is not what is considered feminine, but the term itself.
A similar logic is at work with Reels, which uses the phrase “girls’ math.” Such roles portray careless spending as acceptable by playfully portraying financial decisions through gendered self-deprecation. Common examples include claims such as “If you pay cash, it’s basically free” or “If you don’t buy something on sale, you’ll lose money.” Although these phrases are couched as playful, they tap into and reinforce the long-standing stereotype that women are irrational or untrustworthy when it comes to math and money matters.
It is important to note that these discourses do not deny agency entirely. Instead, they are reorganizing the agency. Only special requests are accepted.
It is important to note that these discourses do not deny agency entirely. Instead, they are reorganizing the agency. Only special requests are accepted. As French philosopher Michel Foucault argues, power does not just limit the individual; It also shapes people’s self-image. In this sense, power is omnipresent. If you expand that, governance becomes not just restrictive or government-driven, but also subtle.
Subtle governance in digital publics
The normalization of “soft girl” discourses can lead to a subtle form of governance. When phrases like “soft girl era,” “female urge,” and “girl math” keep popping up on the reels, they seem self-evident. In this context, governance occurs not through coercion, but through the repeated portrayal of a certain behavior as “girlish”. Roles become a medium through which women are guided to become more “feminine.” The problem with using labels in general is that they are based on some form of exclusion. If some behaviors are considered “girly” and “feminine,” you have to ask yourself what is not. And isn’t that how gender stereotypes work too?
The problem with using labels in general is that they are based on some form of exclusion. If some behaviors are considered “girly” and “feminine,” you have to ask yourself what is not. And isn’t that how gender stereotypes work too?
Social media platforms reinforce this process. Algorithms prefer familiar formats. As Michael Warner suggests, publicity is constituted through circulation; The more an idea is repeated and shared, the more legitimacy it acquires. Comments like “so real” become little expressions of appreciation that reward and reinforce certain ways of being a woman. Even if no one is forced to participate, how Antonio Gramsci suggestsConsent is achieved through everyday habits rather than coercion. Governance becomes subtle in this sense. Here it works without a state, through repetition and enjoyment.
The aim is not to “cancel” these trends, but to add nuance to the discussions around them and show that governance is not always a matter of limitation. Sometimes it works by legitimizing certain behaviors, desires and expectations. Patriarchy-like power structures do not rely on the same strategies to assert themselves. They adapt and rebrand. As the social, economic and political landscape changes, the forms through which power operates also change.
If governance today often functions through subtle forms of influence, then feminist politics must also pay attention to these subtleties. Therefore, it is important for feminist politics to continually remind us that everyday forms of entertainment are not as trivial as they sometimes seem.
But feminism was also good at adapting. From demanding a seat at the table to questioning who built the table for whom in the first place (and imagining new possibilities), feminist politics has redefined its techniques according to contemporary needs. If governance today often functions through subtle forms of influence, then feminist politics must also pay attention to these subtleties. Therefore, it is important for feminist politics to continually remind us that everyday forms of entertainment are not as trivial as they sometimes seem.
References
Foucault, Michel. The History of Sexuality, Volume I: An Introduction. New York: Vintage Books, 1978.
Gramsci, Antonio. Excerpts from the prison notebooks. New York: International Publishers, 1971.
Skeggs, Beverley. Formations of Class and Gender: Becoming Respectable. London: Sage, 1997.
Warner, Michael. “Publics and Counterpublics”. Public Culture 14, No. 1 (2002): 49–90.
Plaksha holds a PhD in women’s studies from Jawaharlal Nehru University. Her interests include gender, language, feminism, popular culture, politics and poetry.
