‘Don’t post this’: How family rules silence millions of Indian women online

India has one of the fastest growing internet populations in the world; millions of people go online every year. However, there remains a large gap between men and women in the way they access and use phones and the Internet. Women often face more restrictions, personally own fewer devices and have less freedom to explore digital spaces.

Current data highlights this gap. According to the GSMA Mobile Gender Gap Report 2024In India, women are 30% less likely to use mobile internet than men, although the gap has narrowed from 40% in previous years. The proportion of women using mobile internet is now 37%, while many still rely on borrowed or family-controlled phones.

The progress is visible in the total number. The Item-Kantar Internet in India Asia 2024 shows that India had 886 million active internet users in 2024, and 47% of them were women – the highest proportion ever measured. This marks a steady narrowing of the Gender difference over time, particularly in rural areas where internet growth is fastest. However, rural women are much more likely to use shared devices: 67% of rural female users access the Internet via another person’s phone.

These restrictions limit privacy and freedom. For many women, the phone isn’t entirely theirs – it’s subject to family oversight, particularly over what they post or view.

The story of 55-year-old Meena Kashyap from Gwalior, Madhya Pradesh brings this issue to life in a simple and powerful way.

Meena lives in a joint family. Her husband is a lawyer, one son works in the income tax department, another is a police officer and the youngest son is looking for a job. Meena studied up to class 10 and works as an Anganwadi helper. Their mission is to provide food, health check-ups and early education to children from poor families.

She has a smartphone, but the SIM card is registered in her son’s name. “My husband and sons say I don’t know much,” explains Meena. “They worry that something will go wrong or someone will cheat on me.” For this reason, she only uses the phone for calls and WhatsApp messages and usually in front of family members. She has no private time or space to explore on her own. This lack of control is widespread – many Indian women are subject to similar family rules that treat phones as shared family property rather than personal tools.

Things started to change when Meena joined KhelBadal, a community program by Video Volunteers that helps people talk about gender inequality through stories and short videos. The program encourages participants to become aware of unfair treatment in everyday life and share their experiences.

Before joining, Meena had never made a video. Now she knows how. “I had some idea about these topics before,” she says with a smile, “but KhelBadal helped me see them clearly and give them names.”

One word she learned is “patriarchy” – the system in which men have the most power in families and society. For Meena, it means not being able to make her own decisions. “I want to do film roles and share my problems,” she says, “but my husband and sons don’t allow that.”

She worries about what people will say. “My family or others might laugh at me,” she adds. Her youngest son checks her phone settings and tells her to only post “safe” things like festival photos, family gatherings, or recipes. Anything more personal is not allowed.

Even small daily decisions show the same pattern. Meena finds salwar suits more comfortable than saris, but her family says older women should wear saris because they look better and avoid “problems”. Although her daughters-in-law are allowed to wear suits, jeans are still not accepted.

The same rules apply when it comes to housework. Once when Meena was sick, her husband didn’t even bring her a glass of water. She tells this story calmly, not with anger, but to show that caring for others is only seen as a woman’s job.

Meena thinks money would change things. “Women who make money through social media get more support from family,” she says. “People like me who don’t make money online are told we’re just wasting time.”

Many women in India have the same fear. They hold back from posting or speaking out because they fear online abuse or family criticism.

This idea makes sense. When women contribute money, families often grant them more respect and freedom, including over their phone and online activities.

At 55, Meena doesn’t want big fights. “I’m old now, I don’t want to argue with anyone,” she says quietly. She just wants small freedoms – to post a thought without being scolded, to share a video without fear, to use her phone the way others do.

Your dreams are simple. She wants to learn better video-making skills and share parts of her daily life, perhaps something about her anganwadi work. She doesn’t plan on saying anything that might upset people. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to use social media completely freely if I don’t make money from it,” she says.

Many women in India have the same fear. They hold back from posting or speaking out because they fear online abuse or family criticism. Younger women often have a little more space, especially if they earn money or are studying. Meena notices this – she sees nieces and neighbor’s daughters posting photos and videos more confidently.

Change is happening slowly. The increase in female internet users to 47% shows that more and more women are finding ways online and programs like KhelBadal are helping them find their voice. Meena doesn’t post Reels regularly yet, but she has already taken an important step: she now sees the limitations clearly and can name them.

Their story is not about loud protests. It’s about quiet mindfulness and the small hope that one day she – and millions of women like her – will have the simple right to speak online without fear or permission.

India’s digital growth will only be complete when women of all ages from cities and towns can use the Internet as freely as men. Until then, stories like Meena’s remind us that the digital world still has many closed doors for women.

Video Volunteers is committed to incorporating the lived experiences of marginalized communities into public discourse and decision-making. Over the last 20 years, in India and around the world, we have supported community-led reporting models that enable people to document and push for accountability on issues affecting their lives. In India, our network of community content creators have produced over 18,000 videos on local governance and social justice issues, contributing to more than 3,200 documented solutions and impacting over 42 million people. Our work focuses on strengthening accountability, empowering citizen voices, and using accessible technology to make institutions more responsive.