June is Pride Month.
As Nicole Audrey Spector said
When I grew up, I never thought much about what it meant to be gay, bisexual or trans. I grew up in a Catholic household, and the topics of sexuality and gender identity have not appeared in one way or another. At some point I was aware that my cousin was gay, but it was much older and we were not close.
I went to the Catholic school and was taught that the marriage was something that should only exist between a man and a woman.
I never considered something other than straight. In my early twenties I was in a four -year relationship with my living friend Alex*in another, no more than four -year relationship. Things between us were often rocky, especially because he had cheated me on often. We would separate, but then I would take it back.
I worked for a shuttle service at Orlando Airport with Marilyn*, a woman I was sure she was gay. She came by and often spoke to me. There was always a little flirt at her end, and that didn’t bother me. In fact, I liked it.
I was looking forward to Marilyn’s little visits. And it wasn’t just because she was nice, had a prey about her or fun. It was because there was a spark between us. We had real chemistry, which was completely confusing. I was a heterosexual woman who was always in straight relationships and never felt anything romantic or sexual in a woman.
So how could I get butterflies through a woman? What was going on with me? To be honest, I didn’t really want to know. I just wanted to keep everything easy, safe and familiar. I didn’t let Marilyn or my growing feelings think too deep for her. Certainly I didn’t let someone talk about it.
2024
Although I was confused and sometimes even stressed, which meant these new feelings, I didn’t stop hanging with Marilyn. In fact, things escalated. I had to go to Miami and ask Alex to accompany me on the long journey, I asked Marilyn. She said yes. I didn’t tell Alex or someone else.
That night in Miami we kissed for the first time. It was different from any other kiss I had. It was softer and even more intense. From the moment I felt her lips on my, I was addicted. Kissing her was like a drug.
Marilyn and I spent as much time as possible. We kept kept secret. She was on the way, but had a good reason to be quiet. The reason? Your girlfriend. Yes, everything was pretty chaotic.
About a month after my first kiss with Marilyn, Alex caught Alex because I always spoke to Marilyn to Marilyn and hang out late at work. He stayed past the airport during my layer without giving me a head-up. Marilyn and I didn’t get around or something, but I think it was still obvious that we were definitely more than friends.
I always forgiven Alex when he got lost and understood that he felt really bad what he had done. But when I cried and begged for forgiveness on the night when he found out of me, he had no sympathy. Just anger. In the middle of the night he threw a seizure – stormed through the house and tore it apart as he shouted at me. He stepped onto the street. When I went to my car, where I spent the rest of the night, he called my mother. He knew that she was one of the closest people for me.
“Your daughter cheated on me with a woman,” Alex called on the phone when he stepped out of the house. “It will be homeless!”
I couldn’t believe how completely out of control is. I couldn’t believe this person I loved once and gave so much of me. I was injured and anxious.
Vanessa and her family, August 2024 (photo/Kahea Clark)
When I later called my mother, she was upset, but not not supporting. She always wanted nothing more than be happy for me. On the phone she helped to guide me through my feelings and assured me that she would always be supportive. It meant everything.
It took a while for everything in my life to calm down and clarify. For a few months I lived with my best friend until I could get back on my feet. At that time she could not understand that my being was in love with a woman. She didn’t seem to be completely accepted by Marilyn, but supported my decision to be as good with her as she knew how she was as possible.
When I got my own place, Marilyn, until then, moved in with me. But there was just too much drama there, and we separated three years later.
I moved to California and there I really opened myself to be bisexual. I pointed out to research my sexuality and become part of the LGBTQ+ community. I dealt with the organization of Pride events for the company that I worked for. Through this experience, I discovered the power and purpose of the legal work.
I have met so many people who have difficulty navigating LGBTQ+ because they were avoided by their family or society as a whole. I never stop thinking about how happy I was to have a supporting family. But I have to say it wasn’t all smooth sailing.
Some family members judged my sister’s decision to appoint me as my niece and nephew in the church. Besides, I didn’t tell my father that I was bisexual until my mother had found out because I thought he was sad or disappointed. I came out to him when I went through a drama with Marilyn’s family on my birthday because I was physically attacked by Marilyn’s mother that day. He became dead and then said: “Why are you still about this kind of people?”
Vanessa and her partner, Melissa, August 2024 (photo/Kahea Clark)
That hurt me so much. But he got around over time. He is always nice to my fiance, Melissa, and tries to be funny and interested in her life.
It was about 20 years ago since Alex threw me out of the house that we shared. It is not pleasant to look back on how I was from my home, but I no longer feel destroyed. I would not go so far to say that I am grateful that he turned me off, but I am grateful that the experience has led to the fact that I was finally myself and lived ahaeen life that makes me proud.
I didn’t know how stressful my secret was for me until I was forced to let it go. As soon as it was gone, life – and love – opened for me.
I’ve been with Melissa for 15 years and she has shown myself what true unconditional love is. I’m so much stronger now than then. My strength enables me to be there for others who try to find their safe space in the world and to be a voice for people who have none. We don’t all have the privilege to speak. For this reason, I will never be silent again.
*Alex and Marilyn are pseudonyms.
Do you have your own real women, real stories you want to share? Let us know.
Our real women, real stories are the authentic experiences of women in real life. The views, opinions and experiences that are shared in these stories are not supported by healthwomen and do not necessarily reflect the official politics or position of healthwomen.
From their site articles
Related articles related to the web
