When Himanshi Narwal shared her grief with the public after the tragic incident that claimed her husband’s life in Pahalgam, she expected sympathy. But the online world offered her character assassinations, conspiracy theories and egregious trolling. Question: What did she do to deserve such treatment? Only her urged the people Not to target Muslims or Kashmiris as emotions were running high across the country. The abuse escalated rapidly, prompting the National Commission for Women to intervene to condemn the misogynistic attacks on Himashi and urge authorities to take immediate action.
This is not new; Women around the world have painfully familiar experiences when speaking out after a tragedy or simply expressing their grief or opinions publicly. The internet reacts as if she had committed a serious crime. The targets change over time from grieving widows to actresses to ordinary women; However, the pattern of abuse remains the same: disturbing and hurtful.
Grief is gendered online
Whenever a woman grieves publicly, she is always subjected to cruel scrutiny online. Grief has always been universal, but online it is somehow gendered and always associated with women. Women are judged harshly, not for what they say, but for the way they say it – from their clothing to marital status to the tone of their speech – everything becomes a target. In a studyhighlighted that women who express their grief online are judged because a certain group of people believe there is a standard for how a “good woman” should grieve.
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When Himanshi called for peace, she made a sincere appeal to humanity but was blamed. Trollers began digging up her past, spreading conspiracy theories about her involvement in the terrorist attack and questioning her “loyalty” and “patriotism” towards the country. In Karnataka, Kannada actress Ramya also faced similar trolls earlier this year for supporting the victim and her family in the Renukaswamy murder case, in which Kannada actor Darshan is the main accused. Her comments were merely sensitive and not truly accusatory, but thousands of abusive direct messages poured in, from slut-shaming to rape threats. The perpetrators, who are die-hard Darshan fans, urged her to retract her words. This kind of treatment of women reveals the double standards of our society, in which men’s grief is remembered, but women’s grief becomes an opportunity for public ridicule and abuse.
The pattern of online victim blaming
Every time a crime becomes a national topic of conversation, social media is quick to find its familiar villain: the woman involved in the story. For example, Rhea Chakraborty’s treatment in Sushant Singh Rajput’s case is a fairly well-known example of online witch hunting. Before any legal announcement, the internet and sensationalist media declared her guilty. Rhea, the only woman closely linked to the case, endured months of misogynistic trolls, threats and harassment online and offline, while men linked to the case were spared any scrutiny.
Every time a crime becomes a national topic of conversation, social media is quick to find its familiar villain: the woman involved in the story.
The pattern of victim blaming is clearly evident in violence against women. Many journalists including Barkha Dutt and Rana Ayyubhave seen their comment sections filled with sexist remarks simply for reporting on crimes against women or speaking for women. Instead of challenging the patriarchal system that violates women’s rights, trolls focus their attention on attacking female reporters and questioning their integrity and intelligence. The moment a woman appears in the story, she becomes a problem. Across all sectors, women find themselves embroiled in controversies when they express their views or opinions. When tennis player Sania Mirza sent a message of solidarity after the Pahalgam attack, she was attacked because of her nationality and marriage. Similarly, author Taslima Nasrin’s views on public incidents morph into vicious trolling and name-calling. This online victim blaming is not a coincidence, but a standard response from women who voice their opinions about crimes or tragedies.
Aside from public figures, ordinary women also face similar violence online when they speak out on social issues. They are punished with hostility if they (women) try to get involved in civic issues. Women are accused of being “too much” in every way and trolls bring up their personal lives on the battlefields, making their safety online collateral damage. This shows that the digital ecosystem denies women the right to speak, ask questions or grieve. When it comes to publicly grieving or expressing one’s feelings, society acts not to protect but to punish those affected. Social media, once a safe space, increases abuse with each passing day.
The empathy gap in the online world
Targeting women in vulnerable situations and incidents shows that there is a huge gap in empathy online. Often hiding behind anonymity and fake IDs, these people project prejudices towards society that are difficult to unleash offline. Through the online medium, patriarchal attitudes are reinforced, virality is rewarded and vulnerable people are punished.
Not only is the digital space targeting women, but their babies are also being drawn into this hatred, showing that there is a significant empathy gap. Sanjana Ganesan, a sports journalist, called the Internet a ‘hideous place‘ after the trolls mocked her son Angad and used words like “trauma” and “depression.” Sanjana has rightly pointed out that people have the right to judge a baby and turn his pain into a source of entertainment.
While Devoleena, a TV actress, highlights another level of digital hostility. She recently filed a cybercrime complaint after her seven-month-old son was targeted racist comments about his skin tone. Although the incident is immensely racist, it reflects the pattern that women on the internet are never spared because instead of supporting her, several people began to trivialize the abuse and questioned why she shared her son’s picture in the first place.
Targeting women in vulnerable situations and incidents shows that there is a huge gap in empathy online. Often hiding behind anonymity and fake IDs, these people project prejudices towards society that are difficult to unleash offline. Through the online medium, patriarchal attitudes are reinforced, virality is rewarded and vulnerable people are punished.
At a cybersecurity conference, actor Akshay Kumarreported a disturbing incident involving his daughter Nitara. He said his daughter was harassed while playing an online video game. A stranger reportedly approached Nitara through the game’s chat window and demanded nude photos from her. Akshay mentioned that the incident truly shocked his entire family and urged parents to remain vigilant and educate children about online abuse, stressing that even a gaming platform can be an unsafe place.
Recently singer Chinmayi Sripada was harassed so much that she had to contact the cybercrime unit. It all started when her husband narrated in an interview how he told her that it was her decision whether she wanted to wear the mangalsutra or not. This personal comment escalated into extremely abusive attacks, including violent comments towards her children. Chinmayi shared that she is “sick and fed up” with anonymous abuse online.
These cases may differ in tone, but they rightly point to a similar reality, namely that the digital world reinforces the brutal thoughts of patriarchal society. Stricter cybercrime laws and changed functions on online platforms are essential. But what is immensely urgent is a cultural shift and the recognition that grief is not gendered and empathy is human, whether online or offline. Until this change occurs, women in both the offline and online worlds will continue to struggle with strangers who tend to believe that their pain and grief is their own to analyze.
Mehwash is a part-time writer and full-time dreamer. She is a journalist who believes in spreading kindness through stories and looks forward to making an impact on the world with her words. And when she’s not working, you can watch her get lost in the world of fiction.