The video can easily pass off as just another video or YouTube without a smiling soon-to-be-parents couple remembering how they met on a dating app. Their love story is similar to love in the digital age: meeting on a dating app, right-swiping, texting and meeting for months, and finally deciding to get married. But something in their story felt off when the man almost playfully and very casually mentioned, “I lied about my age,” since he was older than what he stated on his dating app profile. Why? Because he felt that changing his age would attract younger women, which wouldn’t be possible if he kept his real age, and the woman laughs about it. The Internet called it “cute” or “romantic” and rewarded it with millions of views, ignoring the uncomfortable truth hidden behind the man’s “playful” humor, namely that online dating often disguises deception as love.
The man’s confession sheds light on the role gender, age and algorithms play in this Modern relationships. It’s no surprise that online dating has normalized deception and that younger women are often the desired targets for men, who tend to lie not only about age, but also about work, personality and lifestyle.
The double standards in dating culture
A 2023 survey found that nearly 31% of people on online dating apps admitted to providing false information about their age, height and income. As the study progressed, it was found that age is one of the most frequently changed information on online dating sites. A study from the magazine Computers in human behavior showed that men either significantly exaggerate their social status or downplay their age, while women alter their appearance online using multiple tools. Likewise in India, more than 27% of men admitted to changing their age or job dates to improve match rates. An observation made in the same report is that women between the ages of 18 and 25 often receive more matches than men in the same age group, highlighting the demand for younger women.
Age fraud is much more problematic when older men lie about their age just to match younger women, which seems to be romanticized and socially accepted.
Age fraud is much more problematic when older men lie about their age just to match younger women, which seems to be romanticized and socially accepted. But when older women do the same, they are harshly judged and often embarrassed with suggestions like “You should marry someone your age or older.” This viral video just illustrates the double standards in modern dating culture, where a lie is viewed not as manipulation but as romance.
The price of youth on online dating platforms
Nowadays, dating apps are seen as a modern space without realizing that it is a digital marketplace where a person’s profile is based on their looks or, to put it bluntly, how desirable they are. From swipes to visibility on the platform, it is becoming the cost of youth, especially young women. Men Across all age groups, women consistently prefer younger women, whereas women often tend to choose partners of the same age or slightly older. Likewise those OkCupid review found that men in their 40s rated women in their 20s as most attractive.
Algorithms also play a big role in this imbalance in dating apps. The profiles that receive more attention on the app, typically younger women, become hyper-visible on the app, while older women and men gradually disappear. The view is not evenly distributed; It’s shaped by these algorithms that reward young age and attractiveness above all else.
A digitized version of the Orthodox tradition
Long before modern dating apps existed, the dynamics of age gaps or lies about age were deeply rooted in orthodox social norms in India. Several Studies and data on age gaps in marriages show that men in India are often several years older than their wives. It is a reflection of a society in which men are supposed to be older and financially stable, while women must be younger and ready to marry. Over time, this norm has expanded into the realm of dating. According to an article in MiddayAge is apparently a very important factor when it comes to dating, and it is preferred by both genders – women like men who are slightly older than them, while men prefer younger women (e.g. in their 20s or so).
It is a reflection of a society in which men are supposed to be older and financially stable, while women must be younger and ready to marry.
Women have always been attached to their youth, while men often think about their social status, financial stability and career, ignoring their age. Historically, Indian women were married as young as 9 years old in the early 1900s and 1990s. Fortunately, this has diminished significantly, but it has left its cultural impact and is evident in modern dating apps, where you can easily lower the age limit for the partner you are looking for. And rather than resisting these age options, these dating apps encourage and digitize society’s historic patriarchal rules.
It’s no surprise that a lie – big or small – can severely impact a relationship, often leading to a loss of trust, commitment and communication. However, several Cultural narratives show that people in relationships go out of their way to tolerate and rationalize petty lies, most often when they believe those lies will only lead to positive outcomes. For example, the lady in the video seemed happy and agreed with the fact that she knew his husband had lied to her on the app and concealed his real age. According to a study on the influence of romantic relationships on the detection of deceptionRomantic relationships have been found to improve one’s ability to understand dishonesty over time. This kind of tolerance is often reinforced on the Internet: When a couple appears sweetly or happily in love, the deception is portrayed as “sweet,” “charming,” or even “a game of fate”; On the other hand, if the same couple appears to be distressed in their relationship, people are quick to label any deception or lie as a “red flag,” “toxic,” or “problematic.”
Romance is based on an unequal system
The viral video has resonated widely with people because it fits into the ideology of love and masculinity. The older man who “wins” over a young woman is celebrated and any ethical questions are quietly ignored. Several feminist thinkers have referred to this behavior as “hegemonic masculinity,” in which male dominance is normalized and romanticized. In this scenario, the younger woman is often portrayed as a man’s model of success. Your ability to act is pushed back and replaced only by the relationship. When it comes to the digital dating scene, this dominance and inequality is reinforced by technology because algorithms reward the profiles that fit traditional ideals and reinforce the delusion that age is a natural thing. Until responsibility is no longer an option, such stories of dating app deception will continue to circulate and be celebrated as modern love, with young women becoming the targets of deception every day.
Mehwash is a part-time writer and full-time dreamer. She is a journalist who believes in spreading kindness through stories and looks forward to making an impact on the world with her words. And when she’s not working, you can watch her get lost in the world of fiction.