May is Mental Health Awareness Month and National Women’s Health Month.
As Erica Rimlinger tells it
My first period divided my life into a before and an after. Before I started menstruating, I was a normal 14-year-old girl: skateboarding, swimming, and hanging out with my friends. Then my period came and within a year it felt like my personality was split in half.
For two weeks every month, I experienced all the normal teenage highs and lows. The other two weeks I cried hysterically in my room, physically crushed under the weight of my uncontrollable sadness and anger. I didn’t feel human and couldn’t even remember what the “real me” was feeling or thinking. Honestly, I didn’t even know which half of me was the real me.
Later, when I came to understand my condition as premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and met other women with the same experiences, I heard someone describe it as “being a werewolf.” That stuck with me. At 15, I truly believed I had turned into a monster.
Long before I learned about PMDD and had a language for what I was experiencing, I was told that I just had PMS with underlying mental health disorders. I went through the diagnoses: depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and panic attacks. These explanations described some of my symptoms, but none of them fully explained what I was experiencing.
I regularly saw a therapist who wasn’t right for me and a psychiatrist who put me on birth control pills. Neither helped. Now, on top of two weeks of PMDD symptoms, I had anxiety and terrible headaches all month long. I didn’t feel empowered to question anything – I just went along with it until the side effects became unbearable.
I refused the birth control pill and was then given an antidepressant. That didn’t work either. At some point I stopped believing that anything would happen. I just assumed that was who I was – angry, reactive, and difficult.
I thought and hoped desperately that I would grow out of this. I didn’t do it. In college, the pattern continued and became significantly worse. During the bad weeks, I lay in bed with aching depression all over my body and felt as if someone I didn’t know had hijacked my brain. The transformation was total. In this state, I was unable to think back to a time when I felt human.
I hid it as best I could. I often told people that I was sick. I canceled plans, including my own birthday party. No one really understood it and I didn’t know how to explain it. Looking back, I had to bear the burden of living a full life while hiding half of it.
2026
My mood became significantly darker. I started having suicidal thoughts. I once casually mentioned it to a friend and asked something like, “How do you deal with the suicidal thoughts of PMS?” She looked at me in shock and said, “PMS doesn’t cause suicidal thoughts.”
This moment stayed with me. I knew something was wrong.
I spent the next few years seeking help and finding only limited relief. I did everything I could: therapy, medication, doctors. I survived until I decided to get a non-hormonal IUD. Since this contraceptive does not use hormones to prevent pregnancy, my doctor assured me that I would be safe from any mood-altering side effects.
She was wrong. My mood rapidly deteriorated and I became suicidal again. In a panic, I called the doctor’s office to have it removed immediately. Afterwards, my mood improved, but I noticed that my PMDD was now worse than ever.
At this point I was forced to take short-term disability. During these two months I was fully committed to getting answers and improving my condition. I have tried alternative therapies, including ketamine therapy. There was some temporary relief, but still no real answers.
Strangely enough, TikTok finally showed me the right path. In 2025, I had deepened my research and a video describing PMDD appeared on my TikTok algorithm. The missing piece fell into place: I had never heard of PMDD and had long since stopped believing the story that I had “really bad PMS.” I didn’t have any PMS symptoms. I didn’t experience mild irritability or physical discomfort – there were weeks when my safety, relationships, and ability to function were completely compromised.
After coming up with a name for it, I got to work. I documented everything – every diagnosis, every medication, and every pattern I could trace. I compiled all the notes I had made about my mood, eating and sleeping habits. Armed, I presented them all to my family doctor, who ordered a blood test. When the results came back normal, she essentially shrugged.
I then looked for specialists and sent my documents to a clinic in Chicago. The doctor who showed up late and hadn’t even opened my file was unfamiliar with PMDD. Shocked, I said bluntly, “This is a mood disorder described in the medical literature. Shouldn’t you know that?”
As a young teenager, I would have walked out of the office feeling defeated again, but at that point I was no longer willing to accept it. I realized that if I didn’t fight for my life, no one would.
The second gynecologist I saw was also unfamiliar with PMDD. The third was finally here. Not only did she understand the condition, she listened, validated what I was experiencing, made the diagnosis, and set me on the path to treatment.
I cried when I finally got an answer, partly out of relief and partly out of sadness for everything I had been through without understanding why. I mourned the relationships that didn’t survive, the opportunities I missed, and the years I spent questioning myself.
Today, I no longer feel the need to hide my PMDD or view it through the lens of shame. I have a treatment plan. I have tools. And I finally understand what is happening in my own body. PMDD is still largely misunderstood – even among medical professionals. But there are answers and ways to deal with it. For the first time, I can actually see a future that feels holistic.
Do you have any real women, real stories of your own that you would like to share? Let us know.
Our “Real Women, Real Stories” are the authentic experiences of real-life women. The views, opinions and experiences shared in these stories are not endorsed by HealthyWomen and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of HealthyWomen.
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