As told to Nicole Audrey Spector
Grant is my oldest child and he never gave us a reason to worry about him as a child. He was so smart, so generous and so comfortable in his own skin. When he left home at 18 to study graphic design at Northeastern, my husband John and I were confident he would do great. And he did that for a while, but when he was about 20, it became clear that he was having a hard time.
John and I sensed that Grant struggled with anxiety, and it made perfect sense that he would too. His work/study program was intense and competitive and he had just been through a heartbreak. He was on his way to school and saw the world through rose-colored glasses. Now the harsh sounds of reality penetrated.
The truth of how much he struggled became clear during a family vacation to visit his sister Symmi in South Carolina. During the trip, Grant seemed to be in his own world and wasn’t particularly interested in spending time together as a family, which didn’t sit well with him. He was very afraid and easily agitated.
Grant was usually very open with us, so it was scary to see such a drastic change. It was even scarier to see him smiling and laughing when no one was around. We realized he was going through something more serious than we or even he could understand. We started asking ourselves, “What’s going on? Could this be mania?”
Soon after, Grant went back to school in Boston. It was March 2020. Covid stormed the US and the world went into lockdown.
Two of his roommates called to tell us that Grant was saying bizarre things.
“He believes he can use his energy to move the paint in his paintings,” the roommate said. “He stands in front of a painting and moves his hands, but we don’t see what he sees.”
2025, Jen (right) with Symmi and dog Chica, John and Grant (from left to right)
The roommates also told us that Grant smoked weed several times a day. This was definitely new behavior. We thought he had tried, but now it was a daily habit. It was all shocking to hear.
How Covid works and the extent of the symptoms were still almost unknown at the time. I wondered, “Could Grant’s delusional behavior possibly be related to Covid?” It made sense to ask such questions, especially because until recently Grant had never shown any signs of delusions or psychosis.
John and I were very worried and drove from Rhode Island to Boston. What we found there was Grant in the throes of a manic episode. He danced around in euphoria and his thoughts were grand. He explained to us that he could teleport all over the world to help people in need and raise people from the dead. It was terrifying and heartbreaking.
It was clear that he needed to be hospitalized.
It wasn’t easy to find a hospital for Grant during the Corona crisis, but we were able to do it. Grant ended up staying in the psychiatric ward for a month. He stopped communicating with us and the situation felt hopeless. During this time he believed himself to be inhabited by great artists and inventors such as Picasso and Steve Jobs. He hasn’t improved at all.
When Grant was released, it wasn’t because he was well or that he had even been diagnosed; It was because the doctors had given up on him. They sent him home and said he would get better with us. When we picked him up, a nurse who didn’t speak to us escorted him out a back door as he suffered from psychosis. The whole experience was a devastating insight into the incompetence of our mental health system.
After Grant was released, his mania continued. In the end he escaped from our care and returned to Boston, where he had a second month-long stay, which ended with his release by a coroner who deemed him to be of “no harm to himself or others.”
Grant didn’t want anything to do with us and moved in with a friend. I tracked him down by watching his credit card transactions. Every time I saw him buy something, my heart calmed down for a moment. It was proof of life.
Although I often felt helpless, I never lost my determination. I have spent countless hours speaking with mental health experts at the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), our local health center, and other families caring for family members with mental illness.
After a few months in Boston, Grant decided to return to our home in Rhode Island, and John and I saw that he was still manic. He hardly slept and was obviously reacting to inner voices. He found it difficult to have a conversation based on reality.
One day, Grant said something vaguely threatening, and it was enough to warrant a wellness check that resulted in him being hospitalized again.
The main psychiatrist who worked with Grant was fantastic – nothing like what we had dealt with before. He suggested we get a formal diagnosis in Boston. We did, and Grant was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Aside from what I saw on TV and in movies, I knew basically nothing about the disease and dedicated myself to educating myself about it and building a support team for Grant that included his psychiatrist, a therapist, a health and wellness coach, and a personal trainer. I also made sure Grant’s family and friends stayed in touch with him. Community is so important.
I have also invested in supporting the mental health of myself, John and Symmi. I wouldn’t let this weaken or tear our family apart.
2024, Grant’s Northeastern Graduation Ceremony.
Grant’s psychiatrist prescribed Grant a powerful but not often used atypical antipsychotic medication used to treat severe symptoms of schizophrenia. It was a game changer. Over time, Grant’s delusions subsided and we began to get our son back. He ate, slept and exercised and socialized with friends. He graduated from Northeastern University and began selling his artwork and working part-time.
Grant is doing great today. His life may not look quite as he planned, but he is doing well. He works, paints, produces music and has passion, determination and a strong support network of family, friends and professionals.
2025, Jen hikes in Italy
We keep stress to a minimum (routines are very important to Grant). People who meet him now without knowing his backstory would never know that he lives with schizophrenia. He is in meaningful recovery.
Me and the rest of the family are doing great too. We are all part of #TeamGrant and as close and strong as ever.
There are still days when everything feels overwhelming, but I feel peace knowing that my hard work getting grant help is paying off. My son leads a purposeful and creative life and contributes so much to his own community. That was an important place for me to help him get to so I could feel comfortable living my own life again.
It is important that other caregivers of people with serious illnesses like schizophrenia advocate for their loved ones while caring for themselves. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. And know that this is a marathon, not a sprint. You can have light and joy in your life again as long as you make the most of your community – and remember to find time to laugh and love.
resources
CURESZ Foundation
Live your possibilities
Schizophrenia and Psychosis Action Alliance (S&PAA)
This educational resource was created with the support of Bristol Myers Squibb, a member of the HealthyWomen Corporate Advisory Council.
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