Ah, friendship.
One of life’s greatest gifts…
and occasionally, one of life’s greatest opportunities to stare at the ceiling at 2 a.m. thinking:
“Do I say something… or do I just smile politely while internally screaming?”
Because here’s the situation:
Your best friend is making choices you don’t agree with.
Maybe it’s the relationship.
The job decision.
The money choices.
The parenting style.
The “I’m moving across the country with a man I met three weeks ago” situation.
And you’re sitting there wondering:
Do I speak up? Or do I stay quiet and support them no matter what?
Let’s talk about it.
First: You’re not a bad friend for feeling this way
It’s normal to feel concerned when someone you love is heading down a road that makes you nervous.
That doesn’t make you judgmental.
It makes you human.
Friendship isn’t just brunch and memes.
Sometimes it’s watching someone you adore make choices you wouldn’t make… and trying not to grab the steering wheel.
The real question isn’t “Do I speak up?”
It’s this:
Am I trying to help… or am I trying to control?
Oof. Big difference.
Because speaking up from love sounds like:
Speaking up from control sounds like:
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“You’re doing it wrong.”
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“I would never do that.”
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“Listen to me because I know better.”
One builds connection.
The other builds distance.
Ask yourself: Is this a preference… or a red flag?
Not every disagreement requires a friendship intervention.
Sometimes the issue is simply:
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Different values
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Different timelines
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Different ways of living
That’s okay.
But if the choices involve real harm — like abuse, addiction, dangerous behavior, or self-destruction — that’s different.
A helpful rule:
If it’s uncomfortable, let it go.
If it’s unsafe, speak up.
How to speak up without blowing things up
If you decide something truly needs to be said, here’s the Chatty-approved approach:
1. Lead with love, not a lecture
Try:
“I’m saying this because I love you, not because I want to judge you.”
Not:
“Okay, so here’s everything you’re doing wrong…”
2. Use “I” statements
“I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself lately.”
Works better than:
“You’re making terrible choices.”
(One invites conversation. The other invites defensiveness.)
3. Ask questions instead of delivering verdicts
“What do you want your life to feel like right now?”
That’s more powerful than:
“This is a mistake.”
4. Know when to stop talking
Say what you need to say…
Then let them have their own journey.
You are their friend.
Not their life coach.
Not their parent.
Not the narrator of their choices.
And here’s the hardest truth…
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is stay close.
People rarely change because someone told them to.
They change because they feel supported enough to see clearly.
So even if you don’t agree…
You can still be a safe place.
But what if you truly can’t support it?
It’s okay to have boundaries.
Friendship doesn’t mean approving of everything.
You can say:
“I love you, but I’m struggling with this situation.”
Distance doesn’t have to be punishment.
Sometimes it’s self-respect.
Chatty’s Closing Thought
If your best friend is making choices you don’t agree with, the goal isn’t to be right.
The goal is to be loving.
Speak up when it’s truly necessary.
Stay quiet when it’s just difference.
And always remember:
You can’t live someone else’s life for them.
But you can love them through it.
And sometimes, the greatest gift of friendship isn’t advice…
It’s presence.